When Angels Cry, Saints Fall
by joellynann
Summary: Leaving behind an abusive relationship, Siohban has no idea what's in store for her when the MacManus brothers become a permanent fixture in her life. Loving just one of them was never an option. (set before and during the first movie, rated for language, abuse, and adult situations in later chapters) Connor/OC/Murphy
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everybody! Welcome to my first BDS fanfiction. It's set before and during the first movie, possibly adding a few chapters for after the first movie ends. I haven't decided yet. It's rated for language and for adult relations in later chapters. Many thanks to Troy Duffy for creating this amazing concept – it completely belongs to him. The only things that I own are my original characters and the craziness that they create. Favorite, follow, and review to let me know how I'm doing! Thanks and enjoy!**

Chapter 1

I hate the cold. I had never gotten used to it growing up and living on the East Coast now meant that I got to deal with extremely harsh winters. This one was proving to be no exception. I pulled my coat tighter around me and picked up my pace, determined to get into work and out of the wind as quickly as possible. The bell above the door jingled, and I let out a huge sigh of relief as the warmth hit my face.

"You look like an icicle!" my coworker, Aileen, exclaimed as she rushed to pour me a cup of coffee. I had never been so grateful for her motherly attitude.

Aileen was an older Irish woman who, with children grown, worked with me in the bookstore during the day and waitressed at night. As she put it, she really didn't have anything better to do so why not work? I, on the other hand, worked more than forty hours a week to pay the rent and did editorial reviews to be able to eat. Occasionally, a book review would fall in my lap and I could afford to splurge on new clothes or something for myself. It didn't happen often, but living in any city was expensive.

I managed to thaw enough to take my coat off but thankfully I had thought ahead and was wearing a cowl neck gray sweater. It was bulky, but somewhat feminine. It may have been winter, but I was still a very single woman. My jeans were a little tight, but at least I was able to get them buttoned this morning. I made a mental note that I really needed to start a diet. Midweek was always slow on business and Wednesday was the perfect day to clean. I put my apron on and grabbed a duster.

It wasn't my plan to move to Boston and end up working retail, but life was funny. Okay, maybe funny wasn't the right word. It was more like, life was a bitch and you dealt with the cards you were handed. It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go. I didn't have any friends in the city, and my grandmother was my only living relative, so Aileen was essentially it. She treated me like family and wouldn't have it any other way. I had a decent enough apartment in a section of town that didn't require me to carry a gun on a regular basis. I usually had enough to eat and when I didn't, Aileen brought me leftovers from the diner.

"Heads up, dear. Looks like you have an admirer." Aileen chuckled and went back to reading her Danielle Steele novel.

I, on the other hand, risked a glance out the window. I found myself looking at tall, dark and handsome who was staring right back. I blushed like hell and hurried to the back of the store.

I had always had it tough when it came to men and that hadn't changed with my move across country. It wasn't like I was anything special. At best, I was forgettable: nondescript brown hair, pulled into a messy bun; average height, average weight; no makeup; a few freckles; all in all, I was completely average. Well, except my eyes. Those came from my father. They were one hundred percent Irish green. He gave me those and my name before he split town, leaving me an infant with a dying mother and a poor grandmother who would have moved mountains for me if she could have.

The bell sounded again and I heard Aileen call my name. Damn. I made my way to the counter.

"Yes, Aileen?"

"Siohban, my knees are acting up again. Would you mind showing this gentleman to the section of…"

"Cookbooks," he supplied. His Irish accent was thick and obviously untainted, meaning he probably rarely left South Boston. We were on the border so I guess we counted. "It's a birthday gift for me brother. He cain't cook worth a damn."

I smiled and caught the wink from Aileen. She thought herself a master matchmaker, but I really wasn't in the mood. Didn't I have enough issues with Richard?

"Right this way, sir."

The store was small and the cooking section was smaller. I could feel his eyes on me as I showed him the few choices we had. "Did you have something in mind for your brother?"

He shrugged. "Something… simple. He probably cain't even boil water." He smiled and it just lit up his face.

I mentally smacked myself in the head. This guy was good looking, no doubt. He wasn't too tall which I liked since I was on the shorter side. He had dark brown hair in a shaggy cut, and eyes that pierced like cut emeralds. He was wearing a black coat over a black turtleneck with a nice fitting pair of jeans. He had short, dark hair, lips that looked good enough to kiss, and the heritage was obvious from the accent to the eyes and his entire demeanor. His face had more than a five o'clock shadow, which I hated to admit was incredibly sexy including a small mole above his lip. Sexy? Did I really just think that?

I grabbed the one book I knew was the easiest we had. "I actually learned how to cook from this one. It's really basic, and the food is good."

I handed it to him, and he brushed bare skin as he took it. It was like an electric volt through me. He glanced at me, a small cocky smile on his face. I made a show of straightening the shelf, keeping my eyes down. I did notice the tattoo on the hand that had touched me. It said 'aequitas"… it was Latin but I had no idea what it meant.

"Thanks," he said, nodding his head at me. He went back up front to pay, but all the while kept his eyes in my direction. I tried not to pay attention, but it was impossible not to notice.

After he left, I knew it was only a matter of time before I was cornered so I made my way up front. "Don't even say a word," I cautioned, setting my duster down.

"All I'm sayin' is that boyfriend of yers is no good." She had lived her a long time, since before her babies were born but when Aileen was mad, it showed through. "He's trouble and I know ye didn't just walk into a wall again. Ye ain't that clumsy."

I self-consciously touched my cheek. I thought I had covered it up well enough that she wouldn't notice. "Yeah, well. Good men aren't exactly falling at my feet."

She rolled her eyes. "That one would have," she said, gesturing at the door.

She could go on for hours if I let her, but we were interrupted by the delivery man. He had the normal boxes of books for us to inventory and put away, and a long box addressed to me. I knew what it was, but opened it anyway. Long-stem roses, no real surprise there. I didn't even read the card before dumping the flowers into the trash.

"See what I mean? He's no good."

I tuned her out and turned my attention to the boxes. She was right. I knew she was right. Richard had a habit of being physical with people. He tended to scream at me and occasionally he shoved me around or gripped me too hard, but this was the second time he had hit me in the face. The first time was a backhand. This time, it had been his fist. He was so apologetic and tried to make it out to be my fault, but I knew the relationship was ending. If I wasn't so afraid of him, I would have left ages ago when the bruises were easier to hide.

Our day ended quietly and I hugged Aileen goodbye. "You be careful now, you hear me?"

I nodded. I turned up the collar on my coat and shoved my hands into my gloves. I didn't carry a purse anymore at Aileen's recommendation and my Mace was always in my coat pocket. It was safer to be prepared, she said, so when I walked home I always had my finger on the trigger.

I reached my apartment building and was inside before the sky had darkened. The building was old and in need of some repair, but it was clean and the landlord took decent care of us. We rarely ran out of hot water and the handyman showed up when he was supposed to. I had my keys out but my door was already unlocked. I could hear the television on and knew what was coming.

"I'm home!" I called out so that he wouldn't be surprised. Richard didn't like it when I startled him.

He was in the kitchen, pouring himself a drink. By the look on his face, it wasn't his first of the night. "You're late. Where were you?"

I took off my jacket and hung it in the closet. "I didn't have enough to take a cab so I walked home. It took a while since it's so windy."

He grunted and downed what I assumed was whiskey. He wasn't native to the city either, but most people in Boston drank beer or whiskey. They were the staples of every bar. "We're going out tonight. Go get dolled up. You look like shit."

I smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Okay," I said, heading into the bedroom.

Inside, I was angry. I was depressed. I was disgusted, both with him and myself. Gram would be so disappointed if she knew but the two times she had spoken to him over the phone, he had been super polite and the epitome of the perfect boyfriend. I rummaged through closet and found my black, knee length skirt and a silky red top that I knew Richard liked. It was too tight, but it was low cut. I slipped into a pair of ballet flats and swiped on some mascara.

"I'm ready."

He looked me over and shook his head. "Why aren't you wearing heels? Go change."

I rushed back and swapped the flats for what I thought were hooker heels. They were black, strappy, and stiletto. I wasn't just going to freeze tonight. I was going to trip and break my neck too.

Outside, snow had started to fall, but Richard was cheap and didn't want to pay for a cab. He would have been fine if it was my money but payday wasn't until Friday. I lost count of how many blocks we walked. It took forever, but eventually we reached our destination, a seedy bar in a nastier part of town.

"We haven't been here before."

He grabbed my arm. "Why are you complaining? Most girls would be happy if I took them out at all."

"Let go. You're hurting me," I hissed before yanking my arm away. He could be pissed all he wanted, but I was done with this.

The night went downhill quickly. I found myself watching as he pulled a waitress into his lap, deciding to find out if she kissed better than me. I grabbed my coat and my purse and headed for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" he demanded, dumping the other girl unceremoniously to the floor and grabbing me.

"I'm leaving. Alone."

"Like hell you are," he yelled, yanking hard. I lost my balance and couldn't recover in time to block the fist that hit me in the eye. I hit the ground hard.

A couple of other patrons grabbed him and pulled him off of me. I got to my feet and someone helped me into my coat. "We are over. I'm done being your punching bag."

I hated that the tears were falling down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I probably looked like the whore I felt like, clothes askew and beat up. I was out the door before he could react. I ran blindly, knowing I had to put as much distance between me and him as I could. A light shone on a sign at the end of the street, indicating the entrance to McGinty's Pub. I ducked inside and waited. The door didn't open behind me. If I was being followed, he lost my trail.

The bar was small and smoky, and full of men who obviously spent a lot of time here. A few women were mingling, but mostly all were enjoying their drinks, laughing and having a good time. I swiped at my face to get rid of the streaky makeup, but I probably only made it worse. I took off my coat since it was warm inside and made my way to an empty seat at the bar.

"What'll ye have?" the old bartender asked me gently. I guess I looked worse than I thought.

"A rum and Coke, please."

He poured and set it in front of me. I dropped the twenty dollar bill from my pocket on the counter, the only money I had on me. I started to drink and didn't stop until I had emptied the glass, setting it back on the counter. "One more please."

He nodded and brought my second round. I decided to take my time with this one. I looked around and saw that there were a few booths open. I got up and turned. If I had waited one extra moment I could have avoided the collision, but instead I was bumped from behind and ended up with my drink down the front of me.

"Damn it!" I yelled, shaking the liquid off of my hands. My shirt was soaked and even my shoes were going to smell later on.

"Whoa there lass!"

The Irish accent made me stop and stare. It must have been my day for tall and handsome. The man in front of me was gorgeous with short dark sandy blonde hair. I was suddenly aware that he was holding my elbow to keep me steady and that he was standing very close to me. I was close enough to see that his eyes were a dark green and that he needed to shave.

"Are ye alright?"

I swallowed and managed to nod. He moved me away from the bustle of the bar and towards a booth in the corner. He dropped onto the bench and gestured to the seat opposite him. "Hey Murph! Grab a couple o' towels?"

"Fuck, get them yeself!" came the response from where we had just been.

The offensive response must have been in jest as I was handed something that used to be white and fluffy while another was given to my neighbor. It was only then that I realized that my drink must have gotten him too. Embarrassed, I attempted to dry myself off and said, "I'm sorry."

He shrugged and lit the cigarette that was dangling from between his lips. "Don't ye stress yerself. Not the worst thing ta happen to meh. I'm Connor, and that's my brother Murphy."

Said brother smiled and took my hand in his. "Nice to meet ya, luv." He actually leaned down and kissed the back of my hand before sliding into the seat next to me as Connor had propped his legs up on his.

"You!" Well, hell. Aileen wasn't going to believe this.

"Me." My sexy customer from earlier was now sitting very close to me. "Didn't think I'd get to see ye agin so soon."

Despite myself, I smiled. There were worse places I could be at the moment. "Someone's looking out for me tonight."

Both boys crossed themselves, but it was Connor who replied. "He usually does. Especially those who need it." He pointedly looked me up and down, but I ignored that.

I cleaned myself up as best as I could, but I needed to change my shirt. Problem was that I didn't think I was going anywhere. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to, especially when Murphy draped his arm across my shoulders.

Connor ordered us another round and we got comfy, me and the MacManus brothers. I learned that they were twins, had lived in Ireland until they were nineteen when they headed to the New World for the standard dream of money and fame, and McGinty's was more home to them than their apartment. I found myself enjoying a pint of Guinness, something I normally would have shied away from, and their company.

"So where'd ye get the shiner?"

My good mood and slight buzz instantly flew out of the window. "It was a mistake."

Murphy growled. "That mistake should be ashamed of himself."

I shrugged. "Well, it won't be happening again." I lifted my glass in a silent promise and downed the rest of my beer.

Connor got up to get us another round while I toyed with the edge of my sleeve. Murphy moved to sit across from me, lifting my chin with his finger when I refused to look him in the eye.

"A man that hits ye ain't worth nothing. He's less than nothing, you hear me?"

I nodded but didn't say anything. Connor returned and handed me my glass. I downed that beer just as fast as the last and let out a great belch, somewhat embarrassed. The boys were laughing.

"Not much of a lass, is she?" he said as my bench was once again shared.

It may have been the twin thing, but they moved the same way. They lit their cigarettes at the same time, mirroring each other's movements. Connor pulled me closer to him, arm around my shoulder. He wasn't as broad as his brother, but he was just as comfortable, and he smelled good.

I sighed. "I think I'm drunk."

They both laughed. We talked a bit more and I told them about Richard. I caught the looks they were sharing and I could tell they were angry.

"Ye ain't going home t'night."

Connor nodded his agreement. "Ain't safe."

"I ain't got anywhere else to go," I replied, mimicking their accents terribly. At least it made them smile. "I can try Aileen. I can probably sleep on her couch for a few days until I get my locks changed."

"Where does she live?" one of them asked.

I shook my head. I couldn't keep track of who was talking, let alone remember where Aileen lived. All I know is that it was further away than my apartment. I didn't even really know where that was in comparison to the bar. I felt strong arms helping me up.

"She ain't goin' ta like this, Con."

"Don't have much of a choice."

I attempted to walk with them and even made it outside, but one cobblestone and I was falling.

"I got ye." Connor's voice was soft against my ear as he lifted me into his arms. I snuggled closer and wrapped on hand around his neck.

Murphy grumbled as we made our way down the street, obviously peeved that his brother was holding me. I didn't care. He was warm and I was comfortable. I was vaguely aware of being carried up a couple of sets of stairs and being set down on a mattress, much closer to the floor than mine.

"Get some sleep, lass." Connor went to move away but I grabbed his sleeve.

"Stay?" I asked, yawning.

He glanced at his brother who shrugged. "Okay." He lowered himself onto the mattress, facing me. I wiggled closer and nuzzled his chest. He kicked his boots off and pulled a blanket over us.

"You too, Murphy," I called, reaching a hand out into the air. Fingers caught mine.

"You sure?"

I made a noise of agreement and was happy when he slid under the blanket behind me, body flush with mine. He wrapped his arm around my waist, his brother's already resting on my hip.

"We'll keep ye safe, lass. Now get some sleep."

Lips pressed against my hair and my forehead at the same time, and I let the darkness overtake me.


	2. Chapter 2

**First off, I want to give a huge shout out to my first reviewer, ToriBlock! Thank you so much for your kind words and I hope Chapter 2 lives up to your expectations. Secondly, BDS does not belong to me as much as I wish it did. Please enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing!**

Chapter 2

Sunlight across my face woke me in the morning, the smell of coffee thick in the air. I panicked as my eyes adjusted to my surroundings. I didn't know where I was. I sat up quickly and my stomach lurched.

"Easy lass. Drink this."

I was handed a mug and I took a long drink of searing hot, black coffee. I must have made a face because my companion laughed. The sound pierced my head. It looked like a hangover would be following me around today.

"Ugh! Could've put sugar in it at least."

"Sorry. Didn't have any."

I focused on the voice and the face came into clarity. I was looking at the sleepy face of Connor MacManus. His hair was tousled and he really needed to shave, but even so, he looked good enough to eat.

"Best not let me brother hear them thoughts. He be jealous enough as it is, me getting to watch ye sleep all night."

I groaned. "Didn't think I said that out loud." I took another sip of coffee and handed it back to him. "Don't think I can drink that."

I looked around at the so-called apartment and grimaced. There were two mattresses on the floor, including the one I was still sitting on. There was a table and two chairs and that was it. It was just an open room. The bathroom was just a shower head and a toilet. The kitchen was a counter and a microwave. It made me grateful for what I had.

"Ain't much, but eh… it's home."

Shit. I didn't mean to make him feel bad. I grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I'm going to run and get us some breakfast. Murphy took an extra shift at work t'day so he won't be back fer a while." He handed me some clothes. "They'll be big, bet at least they're clean."

He took off before I could say anything else. I used toilet and turned the shower on to rinse my face and ended up washing up quickly. The water was cold, but it woke me up. I wrapped up in a towel and attempted to comb out my hair with my fingers. Giving up, I pulled it into a messy bun. I needed to get it cut desperately.

I picked up the clothes that I had left on the mattress and smiled. The t-shirt was snug. It was the curse of decent sized boobs, but the jeans were falling off of my hips. I grabbed a belt that was on the table between the ashtrays and made it as tight as I could. I rolled the pants up a few times so I wouldn't trip.

A low whistle caught my attention while I was gathering my stuff. I turned and caught Connor staring at me, bags of food in his hands. "Tis a nice view, lass."

He set the bag on the table and pulled out Styrofoam containers with plastic forks. We enjoyed the diner food in silence. I didn't think he realized how much I loved the little sausage links until I speared one of his.

"Aye?" He grinned and got himself a piece of my pancake. "Two can play at that."

It surprised me how comfortable I was around him. He liked to laugh and was easy to talk to. I should have been freaking out considering that I had just met him and his brother, but instead I was simply enjoying myself.

"I should get going. I have work today," I explained, searching out my shoes.

"I'll walk wit ye." He grabbed his coat.

"You don't need to do that. I'm sure I can figure it out."

He reached out and touched my shoulder. "Nay, lass. Tisn't safe, especially with that 'mistake' o' yours out there. I'll walk wit ye then head into work meself."

Our walk took a long time as they apparently lived close to the bar. It was nice. I found myself telling him about my family and my life in the Midwest.

"My mom died when I was young and my dad was a deadbeat. He was never around. My grandmother raised me as best as she could. I miss her."

He placed his arm protectively on my back as he guided me across a street. "Ever think of going back?"

I shook my head. "There's nothing for me there. I'm from a small town in Illinois and let me tell you, Friday nights consist of cow tipping." He laughed but I wasn't joking. It sucked. "So when I moved here six months ago, Gram sold her house and moved into one of those retirement communities. She met a nice man who plays bingo with her on Tuesdays. She's doing really well. I just wish it was a little easier for me."

"Tell me." He was so sincere, I could tell he really wanted to know. He had his hands in his pockets, but lifted his arm so I could hook mine around his elbow.

"I did the typical thing. I packed up my car and drove out here for a man, my college sweetheart. I was so excited that I didn't call to tell him I was here, I just let myself in. He apparently forgot to tell his other girlfriend that I was coming." That memory still stung. "I had no money and nowhere to go so I spent the night in my car. I scraped together the change from under the seats for a cup of coffee early the next morning. That's how I met Aileen."

"She was just finishing her shift. We got to talking and she let me crash on her couch until I got back on my feet. She got me the job at the bookstore and from there I applied for jobs through the newspapers and magazines. I do editorial reviews for extra money. I got an apartment and a new boyfriend. You can see how well that worked out."

We stopped and he turned me to face him. He tilted my chin to look at the damage to my face. I hadn't even looked in the mirror so his expression told me everything I needed to know. I tried not to, but a tear slipped down my cheek. He caught it with his thumb and wiped it away.

"No more cryin' over 'im. Ye hear me?"

I nodded, but doubted I could keep that promise. I don't know who it shocked more when he leaned over and softly pressed his lips to mine.

"Ye're still the most beautiful lass I ere met."

I gave him a shy smile and tugged at him to start walking again. We finally made it to the store where my friend was pacing in front of the window. She saw us and her jaw literally dropped to the floor. In the doorway, I slid my arm out of his and shifted uncomfortably.

"Thanks… for everything, Connor."

He leaned in for another quick kiss. "Murph will be by ta walk ye home and change yer locks."

"Look, I really don't need a babysitter. I'm sure the two you have other things that you would rather be doing."

He shook his head and looked at me intently. "Aye, but all of them involve you."

He waved and made his way down the street, glancing back occasionally to see if I had gone inside. Before he was out of sight, I did just that. Aileen was waiting to pounce.

"Who was that gorgeous man? And why are you so late? Do I have him to thank?" I took off my coat and she started laughing. "Now I must really thank him!"

"And his brother," I muttered.

"Brother?"

I nodded. "Yeah, the Irishman from yesterday. They're twins."

I gave her the briefest of descriptions of the past twenty-four hours, even admitting that she had been right about Richard all along. She checked me over and made sure I was physically okay before wrapping me up in a hug. I let out the emotions I had bottled up from last night and she just held me.

"There, now love. It will be alright. Seems as if that one that brought you in this morning is going to make sure of that."

That dried my eyes. The thought of Murphy walking me home made me smile and the look of joy on Aileen's face made me laugh. "I know it will be."

The day passed slowly and I tried to keep busy. I didn't want to dwell on Richard but every time a shadow passed in front of the window, I jumped. I didn't think he would bother me here since we kept a loaded gun under the counter just in case. This was South Boston after all. Even so, I was nervous. At six o'clock, we closed up and made our way outside. Connor was true to his word. Murphy was leaning against the side of the building, smoking a cigarette.

When he saw me, his face lit up and he gave me a big hug. "Fuck girl, glad ta see ye're okay!"

I couldn't help it. I grinned. After last night, I knew the cursing wasn't directed at me. It was just part of who the boys were. "Hey Murph. This is Aileen."

They shook hands and Aileen made him promise to look after me. She got into her car and drove away.

"Ready?" I asked. He held his arm out to me, just like Connor. These boys were mirrors of each other.

Getting home was fun. While Connor asked about me, his brother told me about them. Apparently, he had left the meat packing plant early to run home and shower before coming to get me. I was grateful because even with the snow starting to fall, I was close enough to notice how good he smelled. It was a combination of soap, cigarettes, and something that was entirely him. It was intoxicating.

"This is me." We had reached my building and I was suddenly dreading going inside.

"Lead the way."

I tried not to show how relieved I was, but it was a weight off of my shoulders. The stairwell was empty and so was my apartment. Murphy insisted on checking it out before I even went in. I went in to change my clothes while he pulled a few tools out of the box under my sink. I could hear him messing with the door so I gave him some space. I was lucky to have a washer and dryer in a closet in the hallway so I threw the jeans into it along with some other dirty laundry. The shirt I folded and hid in a drawer. It smelled like the boys and if by some chance this all turned out to be some crazy dream, it was my souvenir.

I made my bed, finding clothes that were Richard's. I found a box from when I moved under the bed and I made my way through the apartment. Anything that was his, was a gift from him, or even reminded me of him went into it. It filled up pretty quickly, but it felt good to get rid of all of it. I told Murphy that I was just heading down to the dumpster and to make himself comfortable.

"What do you know? The whore returns."

I dropped the box on the ground next to the trashcans and turned. Richard was waiting for me, very angry and very drunk. "Just leave me alone, Richard." I went to move past him but he blocked my path.

"Don't think so. I saw you with those men. How long were you sleeping around on me? You didn't come home last night. I knew you were with them. You're nothing but a dirty little slut who needs to be taught a lesson."

He lunged at me, but I backed up against the wall. He moved around me, stalking me. He lunged again and I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact that didn't come. I gave it a moment for looking around and seeing Connor holding Richard in a choke hold.

"Get inside, lass," he said and I didn't need to be told twice.

I made it to my apartment and closed the door behind me. Murphy was sitting on the couch, watching television. It was so similar to what Richard would do, even down to the beer he had snagged from my fridge, but Murphy looked like he was supposed to be there. He fit in. He heard me come in and moved his arm so I could sit next to him on the couch.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head. I was too upset and worried about Connor. Instead of answering, I snuggled into him, pulling his arm around me. He held me, probably figuring it out.

"He'll be fine. Con knows how to take care o' himself." I didn't believe him. I knew what Richard was capable of. "Look at me."

I saw it in his eyes that he knew what he was talking about. It didn't mean that I had to like it. Staring at him, I found myself wondering if he kissed as good as his brother.

"I'm better. More practice."

He was grinning like an idiot and I really needed to work on not saying things out loud. To prove his point, he lowered his mouth to mine. He cupped my head with his left hand as he deepened the kiss. My arms wrapped around his waist, fingers digging into the small of his back. He nudged my lips with his tongue, asking for entrance. How could I say no?

Someone cleared their throat behind us, making me jump up. Connor was in the doorway, his face unreadable. I threw my arms around him, starting to cry again.

"Are you okay?"

He held me close. "That 'mistake' o' yours won't be bothering ye agin."

I could feel them looking at each other and pulled away. "Oh god." I hid my face in my hands.

"I think she's a bit worried, Con. Told her not ta, but women don' really listen."

"No, it's not that." I went into the kitchen and started digging in the fridge for something to eat. I didn't have much but I still had a jar of sauce and a box of pasta in the cabinet.

Arms naked around my waist. The stubble that rubbed my cheek told me it was Connor. "Ye're worried about me seein' ye kissing me brother?"

I nodded. I was the whore Richard had called me. I didn't think my face could turn any redder until he started to laugh. "I share e'erything else with 'im. I think we cin share as long as I get ta kiss ye too. That okay wit you, Murph?"

"Well, fuck yeah it is. I ain't givin' her up either."

My head was spinning. Both of them? I went from a shitty relationship to two gorgeous Irish men who wanted to share me?

"I don't want you guys to be a rebound from Richard," I admitted. It was a very real possibility, especially with how recent the asshole had been ejected from my life.

I let myself be turned around. His face was so full of… something. It was raw and a little scary, but when he kissed me, it just felt right. "Ain't gon ta happen. We ain't gon ta let it."

I leaned into him and listened to his heart beat for a few minutes until his stomach grumbled. Murphy heard it and laughed. I squeezed him once and pushed him back.

"So I guess asking if you are hungry is a stupid question." I got out a pot and filled it with water, adding salt and a handful of parmesan cheese. "But I will ask how the hell you knew where I lived. I never told you."

He held up my wallet. "Fell out o' yer purse. Forgot ta give it back this mornin'."

Well, that at least made sense. It was the only thing so far in my life that did. I doctored up the jar of sauce with a few dried herbs that I had left and dished out big bowls. My apartment didn't have a table so we ate in front of the television. Murphy had found a rerun of Jeopardy and we took turns guessing the answers. My boys were smart.

My boys? I looked at them, Murphy sitting on my left on the couch and Connor on the chair with his feet propped up on the long coffee table I had rescued from the trash. Richard was never mine. I had been with him for half a year but remembering all of it, I knew I was right. As for Connor and Murphy, funny though as it sounded, I was already feeling very possessive of them. It may have only been twenty-four hours, but I think they may have felt the same.

It was getting late by the chimes of my grandfather clock on my desk. We had all been fighting yawns for the better part of an hour. Thank God tomorrow was Saturday because I definitely needed to sleep in. Connor pulled me to my feet, Murphy right behind me. Being sandwiched between them could easily become my favorite place in the world.

"Don't leave." My request was barely above a whisper. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep without them. I was still too shook up and I was prone to nightmares even on a good day.

Murphy led me down the hall to my bedroom while Connor cleaned up. It wasn't a large apartment but Aileen's son had been able to squeeze the secondhand queen size canopy bed into the limited space. I could only hope that the three of us would fit. I used the bathroom first, changing into sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. My reflection showed the black eye I would sport for a while but the bruise on my cheek had faded tremendously. I grabbed my brush and let Murphy take his turn.

I sat on the edge of the bed and began the long task of ahead of me. The knots in my hair seemed to have multiplied since that morning. I started at the ends and worked my way up, cursing the wavy texture the entire time. By the time I was done, it swept over my shoulders and was baby soft. It was then I realized that I was being watched. Murphy leaned in the doorway, a small smile on his face. I held out my hand to him and he came willingly, brushing my hair to one side to lay a kiss on the side of my neck.

I pulled back the covers and climbed underneath, grateful my apartment was warmer than theirs. Murphy undressed and moved in behind me, pulling me to lay against him head to toe. His arm found its way around my waist, holding me in place. I couldn't move even if I had wanted to. He nuzzled his face into my hair, and within moments was sound asleep, snoring softly.

"Tis worse when he drinks," Connor promised me as he kicked his shoes off.

I got to watch him as he pulled his shirt off over his head. He was skinny but muscular. Murphy had a bit more to him, but both of them were perfect. Connor's jeans joined his shirt on the floor and he joined us in the bed. There wasn't a lot of room, but we made do. Rather, Connor made do by mirroring his brother, pressing against me from the front.

"Yer beautiful," he whispered, running his knuckles down my cheek.

I leaned in for the kiss he was offering. The spark between us was growing, more noticeable than it was this morning. It was just as intense as what I had with Murphy, but different. We must have annoyed the sleeping one who shifted to hold me more firmly.

"Fuck it all, will ye two knock it off?" he growled.

One more kiss to each of them and we settled in for the night. Before I gave in to sleep, I had a momentary pause of panic. What the hell was I getting into?


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay! Chapter 3 is up. Thanks to my newest reviewers, Madame Director, CarAnn, and Jaded21Lillies! As always, I don't own BDS, but Siobhan and the non-movie related plotline are mine. Enjoy!**

Chapter 3

The bed was cold when I finally woke. I could hear sounds coming from the kitchen, but I couldn't find the energy to move. I liked sleeping and getting up meant that I had to start the day, but nature called. I used the bathroom quickly and crawled back under the covers.

"Yer up," Murphy said, poking his head into the room. "Tis almost noon, ye sleepyhead."

"Yeah, yeah. " I sat up and rolled my neck, cracking it and both of my shoulders. He handed me a cup, which I took warily. "There better be cream and sugar in this."

"Con warned me." He nudged me over to sit next to me, piling the pillows behind him for support.

I took a sip and sighed. "This is heaven."

He kissed the top of my head. I scooted into that special nook between his arm and his body where I seemed to fit perfectly. We enjoyed the coffee until I was human enough to talk without being cranky.

"Where is Connor?"

He shrugged. "Had work. Took off yesterday and needed to make up fer it."

"What do you mean, he took off yesterday? When he dropped me off, he said that's where he was heading to."

"Don't git mad, Siohban. Neither one o' us wanted to leave ye alone. Didn't know if that piece o' shit would bother ye at work so Con kept an eye on ye and Aileen until I got done work. Then we switched."

I wanted to be mad, but I was feeling more grateful than anything else. "You guys don't even know me."

He took my cup and placed it on the end table with his. Both boys liked to move me where they wanted me, but it wasn't forceful. Each touch was a question, a request. He pulled me into his lap.

"Life is too short not to grab something great when it walks by ye. Don't ye realize that ye are that something?"

"Don't joke, Murph. It's not funny."

"It's not a joke, lass." He kissed me, hard. "I cin see it. Con cin see it. Why cain't ye?"

He was crazy. I was in the arms of a man who was certifiably insane, but seeing as how playing it safe got me black and blue, a little bit of crazy may have been a good idea.

We untangled ourselves and got dressed. He promised not to peek, but I caught him looking. There was a reason I had worn cute underwear to bed. Saturdays were my time to clean and to shop. Connor had cleaned up the kitchen before bed, so that made one less thing for me to do. I got another load of laundry together while Murphy ran the vacuum. We got the bathroom scrubbed and the bookshelves dusted. The trash was gathered and thankfully, he took it out to the dumpster. I wouldn't be going out back for a while.

"What's next?" he asked.

I handed him his coat off of my desk chair and grabbed my purse, making sure my wallet and debit card were in there. "Now, we go shopping." I had a bunch of reusable bags in the closet which he also got to carry.

We walked the few blocks and got onto the T, Boston's metro system. I used my card to get us both on and found us a seat. Murphy dropped into the seat beside me and grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers. It felt so natural to be with him, just like kissing Connor last night was perfect. They were so similar, but so different like two halves to the same coin. Or maybe it was more like the light and dark side of the moon by the wicked grin on Murphy's.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'll show ye later instead." He wouldn't tell me more.

The grocery store was busy but we were able to grab a cart. We walked up and down each aisle, finding decent sales. In the coffee section, Murphy grabbed the jumbo size can of dark roast.

"I usually just get the small can since it's just me," I said. He stared at me and waited for it to sink in. It took a few minutes for it to finally dawn on me what he was implying. It made feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Ye don't mind that we're goin' ta be around?" he asked. In reply, I grabbed a second container of coffee, dropped it into the cart, and kissed his cheek.

"Nope."

We got to the register and the total added up quickly. Feeding three people was seriously going to hurt my budget. I added up quickly in my head what bills needed to be paid and when the rent was due. If I scrimped in a few places, I figured that I would be okay. As I was rummaging for payment, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I watched as Murphy paid for the groceries in cash.

"What?"

"I can buy my own food!"

He grabbed the bags and started walking. I had to run to catch up with him. "We work too. Ye don't have to take care o' us all da time. We git to take care o' ye too."

I wanted to be mad, but he was just too damn cute! He was so proud of himself, carrying our food and humming what I could only assume was an Irish drinking song. We made it home and started putting things away. He was graceful while I bumped into everything, though it was nice to have company.

"I have a couple articles I need to look over for Monday's print," I said, booting up my computer in front of the window. I had forfeited a lot for this apartment, including said dining room table, but my desk was imperative to my job and therefore more important than somewhere to eat. "Do you think you can stay out of trouble for a few hours?"

He grinned mischievously. "I'll see what I cin do. Cin I wash some o' me and Con's clothes?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"I'm gone ta go get the wash bag from our place and then I'll be right back." He kissed me quickly and headed out.

I locked the door behind him and got to work. I didn't really want to do the reviews but I was in desperate need of a new coat. The one I had wasn't warm enough, so reviews it was. I had gone to school for journalism, hoping to one day find a job writing a daily column for a decent newspaper. I kept applying, but Boston just wasn't interested in what I might have to say.

Murphy eventually returned, two bags in hand. I was grateful when he made me a cup of coffee, sweetened perfectly. I was finding it hard to stay focused on what I was doing. The writing wasn't as bad as others I had dealt with, but the spelling was atrocious and the punctuation was nonexistent.

"Dinnertime, m'leannán."

Connor's voice made me jump. I hadn't even realized that he was in the apartment. No wonder, considering the clock was reading almost seven. I got up and stretch and gave him a hug hello.

"What did you call me?" I asked as I was handed a plate.

He shrugged and dished me out a ladleful of some sort of stew. Murphy was the one who answered.

"He called you sweetheart." He grabbed two rolls and put one on my plate, the other on his.

"Cain't grab me one?" Connor grabbed for Murphy's plate, but he was quicker.

The bickering didn't really bother me as they bitched over who got to sit next to me. It was kind of cute, but to settle the dispute I sat back at my desk. "I have to finish the article before I do anything else, okay?"

Both boys groaned, but didn't argue. I was finally able to hit the submit button an hour later. The boys had finally agreed on a movie and were sharing the couch. I grabbed three beers from my fridge and knew someone was going to have to go get more. The case was almost empty. I debated if I should disturb them or if I should sit on the recliner.

"Screw it," I muttered, stepping over Muphy's legs and wedging myself between them on the couch.

I wasn't comfortable for long and decided that since it was my apartment, I could sit any way that I please. I made Connor twist slightly so I could use him as a backrest and draped my legs across Murphy's lap and over the armrest. I sighed. That was much better. Connor wrapped his left around me, just above my chest. Not to be outdone, Murphy pulled off my slippers and started to massage my feet.

It felt good to have someone take care of me for once. I was so used to cooking and cleaning all the time that I forgot was it was like to be pampered, not that the thought would ever have crossed Richard's mind. Speaking of which…

"Connor, what did you say to Richard yesterday?" I caught the look the boys shared. It was a normal thing for them to communicate silently, but I wanted in on this conversation. "C'mon, guys. What's going on?"

"I just told 'im to git and that if he bothered ye agin, I would put 'is face inta a concrete wall." He tightened his hold on me. "He left a little bloodier than I would've preferred, but he didn't seem ta want ta take me advice."

Bloodier? I pulled at his free hand and examined his knuckles. A few of them were busted up. I tilted my head back to look at him. "Don't you go getting yourself hurt on my account, Connor MacManus!"

"Murph woulda done the same."

I smacked his twin who was cracking up, tickling me at the same time. "I don't care. If you two are going to be sticking around, I don't want to be worrying about you all the time. Promise me that you'll be careful." Both of them agreed. "Good. Now what the hell are we watching?"

When the movie ended, we made our way down the hall, ignoring the disaster zone that was my kitchen. As usual, I was the first in bed, but it was Connor who climbed in and spooned me.

"Tis my turn to watch ye sleep," Murphy explained.

Whatever. I didn't really care as long as they turned off the light and stopped talking. I was exhausted.

"We are goin' ta Mass in da morning," Connor said sleepily. "Missed two days on account of being with ye. Confession should be fun."

"Come wit us?" Murphy begged, snuggling up close.

I guess after what they had done for me, I shouldn't say no. I knew there was an outfit or two that still fit that would be acceptable for a Catholic service. "I'm not really a church-going woman, but as long as you don't care, I can go."

I was a creature of habit so sleep took a little longer to come. Connor held me a different angle, and his brother's beard rubbed my neck where he had settled. It wasn't bad, just different.

As I lay awake, listening to them breathe, I realized that maybe there was a God up there. Maybe He was looking out for me. I was not a naturally trusting person, but the men who held me had already earned their place in my heart. A voice deep inside of me told me to be careful, but somehow I knew that I was going to be okay.

"Its okay, lass. We got ye. Sleep," Connor whispered in my ear, kissing my head. I snuggled down under the covers and did just that.


	4. Chapter 4

**I wish I could take credit for the BDS, but they aren't mine.**

Chapter 4

I wish I had known that they wanted to go to early mass. It was way too early to be walking along the water to church, but Murphy had his arm slung across my shoulders while Connor held one of my hands so I guess it wasn't all bad. The church they led me to was a gorgeous old building, dark and intimidating. Many people nodded to them as they made their way to a pew, pulling me to sit between them. An older woman glared at me from behind us, crossing herself. I gave her the evil eye and settled down into my seat. I supposed I was a novelty as the woman wasn't the first to pray for my sin. Let the old bastards assume what they might. I was comfortable with my sins. Could they say the same?

At one point during the sermon, Connor put his lips on my ear. "Stay 'ere."

I nodded and watched them make their way behind the pulpit where they knelt at the feet of Jesus, deep in prayer. After long minutes, they leaned forward to kiss the statue where nails had pierced the Lord's flesh. I was in awe. They cursed like sailors, they ate like beasts, they drank like they didn't have a care in the world, but their faith was something to behold.

After the service was finished, each took their turn in the confessional booth. I waited patiently until they were done, glaring back at any who dared to judge me.

"Ready?" Murphy asked, helping me into my coat.

"Yes, please. These good Christian folk are giving me a migraine." My sarcasm carried through the church and a few people had the decency to look ashamed.

The sunlight outside was a welcome change from the dimness we had just left. Each of them took a hand and we started walking with no destination in mine. We came upon the diner where Aileen worked and I insisted we stop in for a bite to eat. Her section was busy, but we didn't mind waiting.

"Well, look what we have 'ere!" she exclaimed, seeing how comfortable I was curled up next to Murphy in the booth. "Not upset you didn't get the girl, Connor?"

What she didn't know was that my feet were in his lap, a fact that he had to make known. "No reason she cain't have both o' us, Aileen."

I thought she was going to have a heart attack right there in front of us, until she started laughing. It wasn't uncommon for her to chuckle, but a full belly laugh came few and far between. "Good Lord in Heaven, Siobhan! I prayed for one decent man to find you, and He blessed you with two!"

I was glad she approved and I let the smile shine on my face. These were my boys and I was going to be proud of it. We gave her our orders and she promised to have coffee to us quickly. Connor grabbed a napkin and drew a tic tac toe board with a pencil he had gotten from Aileen.

"Ye go first," he told me, waiting for my move.

I drew an 'X' in the middle box, and received a kiss on the neck from Murphy. The game was pretty obviously mine to win, but I enjoyed each kiss I got for my turns. I beat Connor four times out of five before our food arrived.

I truly loved pancakes. Aileen knew how I liked them cooked, preferring them just slightly overdone for a crispy edge topped with a mound of strawberries and syrup. If this was Heaven, just kill me now. I inhaled my food and sat back to enjoy my coffee.

I watched the boys eat. It was in moments like this that I saw the tells of being twins. They cut their meat the same way at the same time. They both lit their cigarettes after finishing their coffee with identical Zippo lighters, doing the same wrist flick to close them. The outside world would say it was unnerving. I disagreed. To me, it was almost one soul in two bodies.

I paid our tab and hugged Aileen on our way out. "Have fun with them today, love. I will see you in the morning." Her knowing gaze followed me out of the door.

Murphy picked me up and swung me around. I squealed, gripping him tightly. I was dizzy when he set me down, but Connor was there to steady us.

I made them show me a safer way to get to their place, including how to get to McGinty's on my own. I didn't want to always have to make them come get me if we wanted to go drinking. They weren't thrilled with the idea of me being alone, but didn't really have a choice once I threatened to figure it out on my own if they didn't help me. When we got to their apartment, I told them to find somewhere else to be. It took some persuading, but they finally left.

I sat my messenger bag on one of the chairs pulled out cleaners and sponges along with a pair of rubber gloves. I sighed deeply and really wished I had a better plan for this. I pulled my sleeves up and got to work.

Anything that was dirty got washed. I was thankful that Murphy had done the wash because I had enough on my plate without worrying about that. I even got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floor, using an old bucket that I had found.

I have no idea how long it took, but when I stepped back, the space could have considered clean. I had three bags of trash lined up by the door, and new sheets on the mattresses. I had even scrubbed the toilet. It was so gross, I doubted either of them had ever thought to do it. I found a place in the bath area that I could store the cleaning supplies and locked the door behind me as I left. I dragged the trash down the five flights of stairs and tossed them with the other bags on the side of the building.

I watched my surroundings, but I made it to McGinty's with little trouble. I didn't see the boys so I got up to the bar and ordered a pint of Guinness.

"Here ye go, l… l… l… fuck! Ass!" The bartender put my glass in front of me and walked away, muttering to himself.

"Don't take it personally," the man next to me slurred. "It's just 'is condition."

I liked watching the men at the bar. It was clear to me that they all knew each other and interacted often. I had a few glances thrown my way even as they joked around. I was an outsider, but not for long.

"There's me girl!"

"Fuck, ye mean our girl!"

I was pulled off of the stool and into strong arms. I liked that they didn't mind hugging me at the same time but the tug of war stuff was not completely fun on my part. At least they were laughing about it. "Okay, boys. Hands off!"

They took a giant step back and crossed themselves, grinning. "Sorry lass." Connor was serious with his apology. Hell, he was almost always serious.

Murphy grabbed me and kissed me thoroughly, ignoring the whistles and cat calls. It was all I could do the hold on and enjoy the ride. He returned me to an upright position where I found his brother walking away. I slid out of Murphy's arms and followed him to a dark corner of the bar where he was pouting.

"Don't be like that," I said quietly, standing in front of him and putting my hand on his neck.

He seemed surprised. "Thought ye preferred 'im."

I closed the distance between us, closer than we had even gotten in bed. He let me take control of the kiss and I made sure to leave him breathless. Even I was shaky when I pulled back. He searched my eyes for some sort of confirmation.

"I'm still getting used to this, Connor. That doesn't mean I prefer one of you to the other."

This seemed to please him extensively. He pulled me to him again, more forceful than before. He seemed to be claiming some part of me with his lips, tongue, and teeth. I'm sure I looked completely ravished when he was done.

"Mine," he whispered.

"And mine." Murphy's voice was low behind me.

My breath caught in my throat. If ever there was a time when they could have a reason to fight, this would be it. I knew they were talking even if I couldn't hear them. Murphy turned me around and pushed me gently backwards into his brother whose hands were waiting for my hips. He captured my lips, softer than I expected. He wasn't angry, I realized. He just wanted to claim me as much as Connor.

His hands went to my waist and into my hair. Connor's lips were on my neck and shoulder, leaving marks I had no doubt, but I was enjoying every moment of it. Murphy's grip was intense and I hoped to God he was leaving bruises. I wanted marks from both of them all over me.

Giving me a break, they both stopped and moved so that they were each at one of my ears. "Ours," they demanded.

I could only nod. I had no words left. They had stolen them away, much like my heart. I leaned into Connor and pulled Murphy to me, our foreheads touching.

"No fighting over me." Eventually my mind caught up with my emotions and I was able to form a coherent thought.

I felt Connor's smile against my hair and I could see the one mirrored on Murphy. "This ain't fighting, lass," the man in front of me replied. "Both o' us are wantin' to be with ye for the first time. Cain't blame us for bein' a bit jealous."

So that's what this was. It was the train wreck that I could see coming and didn't know how to stop it. My choice could ruin all of this. How could I choose between them? Didn't they know they were two halves to something I didn't want to miss any piece of?

"Ye mean that?"

Damn. I really needed to filter my brain to my mouth. Saying things out loud was going to get me in more trouble than I already was.

"And if I say yes? Would you both be willing to share me completely?" I swear my heart stopped beating as I waited for a response.

"Ne'er did that before." Murphy was looking at me, but it wasn't me who he was talking to.

"Wouldn't mind it, if it were up ta me." The look on their faces was powerful.

"Would only make sense, though. If she's goin' ta stay wit us."

They were waiting on me. They were okay with this. Now I had to be. "Then I'm not choosing between you. It's both of you, or it's neither."

I was crushed between them, fear gone. This was moving so fast, but I wasn't scared. I was determined to take pleasure in this life where I could find it. I was done being ashamed of the choices I was making and I would be damned before I would ever be ashamed of the men who had their hands on me.

"Hey fuck ass! Get me a beer!"

I turned to the abrasive voice that penetrated the bubble that the three of us were in. Murphy ran over to the man and threw his arm around his neck, pounding his back hard. Connor and I walked over more slowly, holding hands.

"Siobhan, this is Rocco!" Murphy yelled over the noise.

Rocco shook my offered hand. It was apparent that he knew who I was by the wink he sent me. Connor was talking in my ear so I could hear him.

"Best man we know, sides our da. Works for the Italians, running errands. Funny guy, tells the best jokes. Another night and we'll set the two of ye up to meet properly."

That sounded good to me. I was able to enjoy the crowd for a bit longer before I was missing home. I inclined my head to the door and the twins said their goodbyes.

The sun was going down over the city, the chill in the air threatening snow. February was hit or miss for any precipitation, but it felt like we were in for a storm. We got home as the first flakes fell. We hung our coats in the hall closet, and I turned the thermostat up. I noticed them pulling their rosaries out from under their shirts, looking unsure where to put them.

"Last couple o' nights, we just kept 'em wit our clothes," Connor said, putting his on the island in the kitchen next to the fruit bowl.

Something about that just didn't sit right. They needed a place that was more… secure? No, permanent. I wanted some sort of reassurance they weren't going to leave. I thought back to their apartment and the two nails hung on the wall.

"Give me a minute, guys, okay?"

I didn't wait for either of them to respond. I bolted back to the bedroom and closed the door. I had two small pieces of art hanging on the side wall of my clothes closet. I pulled them down and stashed them in a bedside table drawer. I ran back out to the kitchen and picked up the crosses. I motioned for them to follow me. I hung up each rosary, instinctively knowing that Connor's was the shorter of the two and it belonged on the left, just like where he slept and where he usually sat. I stepped back and admired my ingenious thinking.

"Thank ye, Siobhan," Murphy murmerd, kissing my neck.

I found Connor's hand reaching for mine, which then squeezed with no words. I could tell they were happy though. "Something inside of me knows that you belong here with me. I want this to be a place for you, too." I was wrapped into a hug that felt like home. "Come on. I'll make you two dinner."


	5. Chapter 5

**First off… A huge thank you to my followers, including my newest reviewers: guest and SoFarFromPerfect90! Secondly, this is one of the chapters that require the rating on the story. If you aren't into explicit scenes, please don't read. Thanks! As always, I do not own BDS**

Chapter 5

We fell into a sort of routine over the next few weeks. I always had company to and from work, and the evenings were filled with the aromas of home-cooked food as I taught Connor how not to burn water. Murphy wasn't kidding that his twin was a terrible cook. I kept the meals simple, but flavorful for which he was grateful. After dinner, they would clean up while I did my reviews, followed by cuddling on the couch. Some nights they went back to their apartment, but most nights they stayed.

I missed them when I slept alone. I knew they liked to drink at night and their apartment was the logical choice after McGinty's. It didn't mean that I had to like it. The apartment felt too big when I wasn't tripping over them. I kept the radio playing but it didn't fill the void.

Friday found me watching the clock as it slowly counted towards the end of the day.

"Dear, time passes faster when you're busy," Aileen suggested.

"I know, but I already swept and dusted. The counters are wiped and I just did the windows yesterday. We aren't due for a shipment until Monday." I dropped onto one of the stools behind the counter. "I'm going out of my mind."

I hadn't kept anything from her as my relationship with the MacManus brothers had blossomed. Things were getting serious. The boys liked to talk in other languages, switching them up often enough that I couldn't follow what they were saying, but I knew enough to get the feel of it. They care about me. I guess I really didn't need to know anything else.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" I asked her to distract myself.

"I took the weekend off to go visit me son. He and his wife are expecting a baby next month. I bought them a bunch of baby clothes." She pulled out a paper bag and started showing off all of the cuteness. "My first grandchild and it's a little girl!"

"What are they naming her?"

She just swelled with pride. "Sorcha Aileen. I'm truly blessed."

I knew she was going to be a wonderful grandmother. She deserved all of the happiness life could give her.

At five o'clock on the dot, I was out the door and into Murphy's waiting arms. While Connor was more reserved in public, Murphy had no issues kissing me hard and thoroughly.

"Missed me much?" I asked through his laughter, but damn it felt good to be with him.

As much as I enjoyed time spent together with the both of them, I treasured the time I had alone with each brother. It's how I got to know them. Otherwise, they continuously finished each other's thoughts. It made it difficult to follow. Like Murphy loved old school horror movies, but Connor preferred comedies. Murphy was the one who could eat an entire pizza by himself. Connor preferred not to waste time on combing his hair. It was the little things that I wanted to know.

Tonight was just me and Murphy. Tomorrow, I would have Connor all to myself and Sunday would be the three of us. I had butterflies in my stomach. Lately, the kisses had become harder, the touches longer, and the air was thick with desire. I was tired of playing the good girl game. I wanted more of them and I was done waiting. Something told me that they felt the same way.

My apartment was clean when we made it through the door. Murphy shrugged. "Didn't want ye ta have ta worry 'bout it."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. He may have been the crazy goofball, but his heart was in the right place. Dinner was burgers and fries, an easy meal to whip up. I didn't agree with baking fries to save on calories. I fried them in lard and coated them in salt when they came out. They were unhealthy, but oh so good! We snuggled on the couch for a bit after we were done eating, but I wanted to grab a shower before bed.

I turned the water on, waiting for it to get hot. I took the bun out of my hair and shook the waves out. If the boys didn't like it so long, I would have cut it by now. I hadn't had it this long since high school. It fell to my shoulder blades and I was contemplating how hard it was going to be to braid it.

I felt a hand sweep the hair off of my shoulder, cool lips pressing against my neck. I turned around and leaned into Murphy. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush with his body. The kiss we shared was gentle, asking rather than taking.

"Con and I talked."

I waited. He didn't like being pushed to talk, considering he talked more than most women I knew, but when it was important, he needed his time. His fingers were playing with the hem of my shirt and occasionally he made contact with skin. He was driving me crazy!

"We both want ta be wit ye… alone… before we are all tagether. If ye aren't opposed, that is."

I mulled that thought over. As much as I wanted both of them, the idea of learning each of them intimately was very appealing. "And if I say yes?"

"Then tomorrow Con cin have ye. Tonight… ye're mine."

The possessiveness in his voice made me shiver. He was so intense when he wanted something. The look in his eyes was dark and purely animalistic, but there was something else there. If I had to guess, it was fear. Not of us, but of the chance that I would say that I didn't want him. Despite them being willing to share, they were still men with egos.

I moved a half step backward and his face fell. My voice caught in my throat. I hated that look on his face. He should never be afraid of me. I reached over to turn the water off and came back to him.

I grabbed the edge of his t-shirt and lifted it up. He lifted his arms to make it easier for me to remove it. I traced the lines of the Virgin Mary tattoo, drifting over his shoulders and down his torso. He reached for me, cupping my face in his hands and looking at me intently.

"**Táim i ngrá leat**," he whispered shakily.

I didn't know what it meant, other than it meant a lot for him to say it. "Murph…"

The passion that crashed on us in that moment was suffocating. I couldn't get close enough of him and touching him wasn't going to cut it. He literally ripped my shirt from my body. I had a moment of sadness at the loss of my favorite sweater, but it was short lived.

I nipped at his neck and was happily rewarded. He fisted his hands in my hair, holding me still as he kissed his way down my body. He knelt in front of me, resting his face against my stomach. Normally, I was self-conscious about my body but the way he was reverently touching me was too close to the way he prayed for me to worry about anything. Murphy was not the kind of guy to fuck them and leave them, no matter what the rumors were. The look on his face was proof enough of how he felt about me.

He took off one of my ballet flats followed by the other, rubbing the sore part of my arch with his thumb. It felt good and relaxing, but it was like a shock to my lady bits. Every motion he made just increased how badly I wanted him. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off of me, leaving me in just my bra and panties. I was so grateful that I had thought to wear a matching set that morning. The black lace trim was enough to set Murphy off. He stood and his jeans joined mine on the floor.

"I thought ta take me time…" he murmured into my mouth as he kissed me finally.

"We have all night," I replied, tugging at his boxers. "Right now, I just want you, Murphy. Just you."

He guided my hands as the boxers disappeared. If I had the brain power to process it, I might have been alarmed with just how large he was when I realized that my fingers didn't quite touch when wrapped around him. I stroked him slowly, enjoying how hard and long he was. He turned his body slightly so that he could run his hand over my thigh while still enjoying what I was doing. I loved how his eyes closed and how he bit his lip when I sped up my pace just slightly.

His grip on my thigh released and I felt his fingers playing with the edge of my panties. He looked at me for permission. I grinned and tightened my grip around him. He sucked air in and gave me an equally evil grin in return. I had no warning as he slid two fingers inside of me, fabric pushed to the side. He stroked me the same pace I gave him, but I was brought the edge a lot faster.

I let go him and wrapped my arms around his neck, his free arm holding me to him as I cried out into his lips. I hadn't felt anything like this… ever. He let me come back to myself, kissing anything he could touch.

"My God…" was the first coherent thought that came to mind. "Mine," I said, digging my nails into his back.

He took my hand and pressed it to his chest, directly about his heart. "Yes, lass. All yers."

I captured his mouth and dragged my nails down to his hips. He shivered against me. Whatever was between us was powerful and I was ready to give myself to it. I felt him unhook my bra and he pulled it off of my shoulders. He licked my collarbone to distract me from the fabric he ripped.

I smacked his arm lightly. "You know, I liked those panties," I said.

"I'll buy ye another pair."

His voice had dropped even lower and he leaned down to grab my ass. I shrieked as he lifted me up easily, wrapping my legs around his waist. I clung to his neck, afraid he would drop me. Instead, I was pressed against the wall, a sudden coolness against the fire that I was feeling.

I locked my eyes on his as he slid into me. I was tight and he was large. It could've been pain, but instead all I felt was him. There was no need to guide him. We both needed it hard and fast. He pounded into me over and over as I screamed in ecstasy. He brought me again, his release not far behind. The sound that tore from his throat kept my orgasm coming, a primal man sound that resonated through me to the core.

He got us to the bed before his legs gave way, collapsing on top of me. He slid out of me and rolled onto his side, pulling me to curl into him. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it over us. I watched him as he dozed, relaxed. I couldn't believe that he wanted me, but I was so blessed to have him. Him and Connor.

Connor. Well shit. If sex with him was anything like it was with his brother, I wasn't going to be walking very well the next few days.

Murphy woke a few hours later and we explored each other again, much slower this time. It wasn't sex. He made love to me, savoring every inch of my body. Only after we were both sated did we manage to take the time to grab a shower. I washed his body, massaging his skin with my soapy hands. He, in turn, lathered and rinsed my hair, throwing in a scalp massage without me even asking. It was heaven.

I knew I would sleep deeply that night, wrapped in the warmth of a happy man. There was just one thing that I had to know first.

"So how did you two decide who got me first?"

He chuckled, drowsiness obvious. "The way we always do. Flipped a coin."

Surprisingly, I was okay with that. I snuggled up to him, drifting off into a dream world.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow! What an amazing response I have gotten for the boys and Siobhan! I am blown away by how many people are liking and following this story. I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you all so much, especially my newest reviewer: **sweetkiwi604**! As always, BDS does not belong to me, but enjoy the story anyway! Much love!**

Chapter 6

I didn't want to get up. The bed was comfortable and warm. Okay, to be honest, I just didn't want to find out that last night had been a dream. I lifted my arms above my head and stretch, an unfamiliar but not unpleasant ache between my legs. I grinned.

"Definitely not a dream," I said, grabbing Murphy's t-shirt from the foot of the bed. It hit me mid-thigh and was cool against my skin.

I made my way into the kitchen, searching out a cup of coffee I hoped would be waiting for me. Murphy didn't disappoint, dressed only in his jeans, leaning against the counter. He handed me the cup and leaned down to kiss my neck, running his tongue over my skin.

"Damn it, lass. Ye look incredible in me shirt. Good enough ta eat." He nibbled at my ear, proving his point.

I turned and kissed him deeply, exploring every inch of his mouth with my tongue. He growled possessively. "If you didn't have to work, today would turn out very different. But you're late and I need a shower."

His hands tried to persuade me otherwise, but I wasn't going to cost him his job. I locked myself in the bathroom while he got dressed, wrapping myself securely in a towel to say goodbye. He looked at me like he could see right to my soul.

"Have fun t'day…" He touched my face. "And miss me."

I slid my arms around his waist, pressing against him. "I miss you already."

A few kisses later, he was gone. I got dressed and grabbed my purse. I was out the door and down the street, heading towards the MacManus apartment. I let myself in, only because they never bothered to lock the door. They said it was because they didn't have anything to steal. Connor was still asleep, his arm draped over his eyes to shut out the sun, snoring softly. The blanket was twisted around him, one leg uncovered.

I undressed quickly, sliding onto the mattress next to him and pulling the blanket to cover me. I was feeling bold from my tumble in the sheets with Murphy, and Connor just looked too delicious not to take advantage of the situation. I pressed up against his side and traced my fingertips over his stomach. He shifted and slowly opened his eyes.

"Morning, lass." He yawned and rolled to face me. "Cin't say this ain't a pleasin' way ta wake up." His hand had found my bare hip and realization dawned on him. "Take it ye talked to Murph."

He didn't seem mad. In fact, he had this weird smile on his face. "In fact, I did. So why aren't you upset?"

"Seemed only fair ta let 'im win."

"You let him win? Why?"

He moved the blanket to settle himself on top of me. "He got ye for a few hours. I have all day ta make love ta ye."

The sneaky bastard, but I couldn't help but grin as he kissed me. All day naked with Connor seemed the perfect way to spend a Saturday.

He was soft where Connor was rough. He took his time touching me, running his hands over every inch of my body, following the trail with his mouth. He covered my body with his and when he thrust into me, it was heaven.

Morning gave way to afternoon and afternoon into evening before we untangled ourselves from his sheets. He pulled me with him under the showerhead and I was surprised by the warm water that came out.

"The first of us ta get up it the only one ta be warm," he explained, soaping up a washcloth and running it over my back.

He worked his way down, making sure every inch of me was clean. I leaned back against him as he washed my hair. After rinsing, he turned me to face him. I reached for him and found his mouth waiting, hungry and demanding. A thought flitted about in my brain, about how different they were, but it wasn't worth catching. They may have kissed differently and fucked differently… but they loved the same.

"Damn it, lass," he growled as I reached down to grasp him in my hand. "Ye're insatiable."

He leaned against the wall with one hand, the other on my hip. The soapy water kept him slick, but I wanted more. I rinsed him off and lowered myself to my knees. Leaning forward, I flicked the tip of him with my tongue. He gasped and shuddered, cupping the back of my head. He was trembling so I was gentle as I drew him into my mouth. I was never one for giving head, but my boys made me feel adventurous. They made me feel powerful. They made me feel sexy. I used my lips, my tongue, and my teeth to make his knees weak.

After the long day of lovemaking, the sounds I was forcing from him were a mix of pleasure and torture. I brought him to the edge and pushed him over. His orgasm was more than I thought it could be. He collapsed on the ground beside me, arms open for me to crawl into them after I turned the water off. We lay there until the chill in the air took over the heat from the water.

I dried off and got dressed enough get home. Connor seemed torn between falling asleep for days and joining me. "Don't make me spend the night alone."

"Ye'd have me brother." He wasn't be malicious. He was only stating a fact.

"And you know that it's not complete unless you are both with me." I reach over to touch his face, running my thumb against the stubble at his jawline. "Please, Connor. Come with me."

He grabbed his jeans and slid them on, not bothering with anything underneath. A t-shirt and his jacket later, he had his arm around my shoulders. He kissed me deeply, lips soft against mine. "Ne'er could resist the demands of pretty lass."

"Had many of them?"

We were down the steps and into the alleyway before he answered. "A few, but none o' them were anything compared to ye. Ye the kind o' lass…"

I stopped and pulled away from him. "Finish your thought, Connor MacManus." I was angry all of the sudden and I wasn't quite sure I knew why.

He guided me against a brick wall, one arm on either side of my face. "Ye're the type o' lass that I could see in me future… in Murph's. The kind o' lass ta marry and raise babies with. The kind o' lass…" He took a deep breath, suddenly looking very vulnerable. "The kind o' lass… ta fall in love with."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my head into his shoulder. He held me tight, no words necessary. It was true then. I meant something more to them. I wasn't just a way to pass time.

"Room for one more?"

The familiar voice made this moment complete. Connor moved first to open our embrace and make room. Murphy wedged himself between me and the wall, gripping both me and his brother. He was tired and needed a bath, but I wasn't going to be the one to break this spell.

"Táim i ngrá leat," Connor said, raising my chin to look at him.

"I don't understand Irish. What does that mean?" I finally asked. "Murphy said it yesterday, too."

Connor jerked his head up, staring his twin directly in the eye. There was a full unspoken conversation taking place, but it wasn't for me to know. I was so confused. I thought I understood what was going on, but maybe I was wrong. I made motion to pull away, but both boys held onto me tighter.

"Lass… 'tis Gaelic," Connor whispered.

"An' it means that these two Irish lads are in love wit ye," Murphy finished.

I stopped struggling against them. The look they gave me was so open and so pure that it broke something inside of me. They loved me? Was it possible? Feeling them surrounding me was proof that it was.

I kissed Connor first because he was closer. "I love you, Connor."

For Murphy, I had to crane my neck around, my hand pulling him closer to me. Our kiss was deeper, but the love was the same. "And you, Murphy… I love you so damn much."

Connor was wiping me cheeks. I didn't even realize that I was crying. Words of love were whispered in many languages that night as we walked to my place, locking the outside world out.

I was carried into the bedroom by Murphy who dumped me unceremoniously on the bed. He grinned and ducked into the bathroom to clean up while his brother busied himself in the kitchen finding a plate of munchies for us to share. We even left some for Murphy.

The boys started telling me about their childhood home in Ireland, and their Ma who raised them alone after their father took off. They took turns talking, but the story never halted. I drifted to sleep, wrapped around Murphy for a change, my face against his back, my arm possessively around his waist. Connor spooned me from behind, a leg draped over mine. I had my men, and we were in love.

3


	7. Chapter 7

**BDS does not belong to me. This chapter is a bit sad and for that I apologize. It is a necessary train of thought for the eventual ending of this story. Please enjoy!**

Chapter 7

Monday brought groans as we untangled ourselves from each other, work a dark cloud hanging over us. I had lost count of whose hands belonged to who, who lips were on my skin, whose turn it was to make me scream. I had never known such incredible pleasure and even small bits of desirable pain. The last thing I wanted to do was drag my ass to work, but bills had to be paid.

Aileen gave me a knowing smile as I finally clocked in. The boys had argued over who got to walk to work with me, and in the end I had two gorgeous escorts. I made sure to say goodbye to each of them before shooing them on their way.

"I take it ye didn't make a decision on which boy to be with?" she asked good naturedly.

I grinned. "Didn't need to." The phone rang and I grabbed for it. "Baker's Dozen Bookstore. This is Siobhan. How may I help you today?"

"Siobhan, this is your great aunt Mary."

I looked at the clock. It was ten in the morning. "Hi Aunt Mary. I haven't talked to you in a while. How did you get this number?"

My aunt sighed. "Listen, deary. Your Gram is going to be furious for me calling you at all, let alone taking your work number out of her address book, but someone needed to get ahold of you."

"What's going on?" I tried to keep the panic from my voice, but having my grandmother's sister calling me first thing in the morning was not a good thing.

"Honey, you need to come home."

Aileen came up behind me and rested her hand on my shoulder. I appreciated having her there, but it still didn't answer my question. "Aunt Mary, I can't just drop everything and come home without a reason. What's wrong?"

I could hear her sniffling on the other end of the line. "It's your Gram. She's sick. You need to come before it's… too late."

I think I said goodbye. I think I told Aileen what Mary had said. I think I did a lot of things, but one moment I was in the store, the next I was at home. I stared blankly at the television even though it was off. Hours must have passed because it was dark before I shook myself awake.

"Easy, lass. Ye're not alone." Murphy's arms were open for me. I collapsed into them and wept. "Aileen told me about ye're call. I'm so sorry, love."

I could only nod against his chest. I had told him about Gram, more than I had told Connor. Sometimes, it was easier to talk to one of them versus the other. They didn't take it personally, for which I was grateful.

"Con got ye a plane ticket leaving tonight inta O'Hare airport. Is that close enough ta where ye need ta be?"

"Yeah." I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve and headed into my bedroom. I grabbed my duffle bag and began throwing random pieces into it.

"Let me help." He took the sweater I had balled up in my hands and smoothed it out. "Sit."

I sat.

He took everything out of my bag and began again. I watched him methodically pack underwear and bras, jeans and nice shirts, two sweaters, and a couple of t-shirts to sleep in. I managed a smile when I realized that they belonged to my boys, a piece of them to take with me.

"Do ye want one of us ta go wit you?" he asked, zipping the bag closed. "I'm sure Con could pull a few strings."

I shook my head. "You have work and I have no idea what I'm walking into." I hugged him close. "I'll be okay."

He cupped my head and held me close. "Just say the word and we'll get to ye."

I promised to call him with an update. It was no surprise that the boys would be hanging out at McGinty's, especially when he said to call them there. He walked me outside where a cab and Connor were waiting. I let go of Murphy's hand to slide my arms around his brother. Amid more offers of company, I realized that this was going to be tough, but I couldn't drop them on my Gram not knowing what state she was in. I kissed them both and got in the cab.

My plane ride was uneventful, albeit a little turbulent but I could handle that. Murphy had thought ahead so I that I didn't need to check a bag so getting to my Gram was one step faster. I hailed a cab and gave the driver directions to the hospital that Gram had been moved to. It was late by the time I arrived, but something made me suspect that one of my boys had called ahead. There was a nurse at the door, waiting for me.

"Miss Gray?" she asked, holding the door open.

I nodded, happy to get inside. Illinois was always cold and the snow on the ground didn't help. "Please, just call me Siobhan."

"This way, Siobhan," she directed, leading me to the elevator. "Your grandmother is on the tenth floor."

I looked at the chart on the wall and felt my heart drop into my stomach. The oncology ward was on the tenth floor. "Cancer?"

The nurse had a sympathetic look on her face. "I'm sorry."

I felt so cold, being ushered through the hallway and through an imposing set of doors. A doctor in a lab coat was reading a chart outside of the room the nurse took me to.

"Ah, you would be Mrs. Gray's granddaughter, yes?"

"Yes, I'm Siobhan. Please, what's wrong with Gram?"

He closed the chart and put it back in its holder on the wall. "My name is Dr. Wilcox. Why don't you go in and see her first? I have rounds to make and then you and I can talk."

I agreed and tried to steel myself against whatever was to come. I knocked lightly on the door and opened it slowly, almost afraid.

"I'm not asleep, child. Just come in already."

That voice warmed me right up. She still sounded like herself, but the visual was very different. She looked so different from the woman who raised me. She was small and frail. She looked…

"Old. Yes, my dear. I know how I look. Still not realizing that you're talking out loud? No matter. Come sit beside me. Let me have a good look at you."

I moved over to the bed, grateful she was in a room by herself. It was nice, and not hospital-looking at all. She appeared to have all of the comforts she could, despite being hooked up to monitors and tubes. I hugged her gently, surprised at how much weight she had lost. I pulled a chair up to the bed and took her hand in mine.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Of all the first things to ask, that was not how I wanted to start this conversation.

She sighed and settled back against her pillows. "Because I knew you would drop everything to come here and take care of me. There was nothing that you could do. There's still nothing you can do and my sister knew that, but called you anyway." She smiled. "But I'm glad you're here all the same. I've missed you, darling."

"I've missed you too. So what are the doctors saying? What kind of treatments are we looking at?"

She squeezed my hand. "None."

"None? At all?" This couldn't be happening. "You can't just give up!"

She closed her eyes and spoke in even tones just like she was dealing with me as a child. "I've lived a long, happy life, my darling. It's my time. The good Lord knows when to call us all home."

"But I don't want to lose you!" I know I sounded like a whiny child, but she was all the family I had left.

"Siobhan Gray, you will never lose me."

I climbed into the bed beside her and let her comfort me. I did my best to ignore all the medical equipment and pretend we were back at home, me having woken up from yet another nightmare. After a while, I realized she had fallen asleep so I made my way to the nurses' station to find Dr. Wilcox.

"Is there really nothing that we can do?" I asked him, sipping on a cup of coffee in his office.

"Unfortunately, no. Even if she would consent to treatment, your grandmother's cancer is at such an advanced stage. At best, all we can do is make her comfortable in the short time that she has left."

Another question I didn't want to ask. "And how long is that?"

The doctor must have dealt with Gram long enough to know she hated people sugarcoating things. He must have assumed I was the same way. "A few days. A week at most."

I knew deep down that she was still trying to protect me when she didn't call, but she could have passed away without me even getting to say goodbye. Our weekly conversations on the phone were going to be a thing of the past. She was never going to meet Connor and Murphy.

"Shit!" I hadn't even called to let them know I was okay. I found a payphone and dug through my purse for change. I found a new roll of quarters waiting for me. Bless those Irish hearts.

"McGinty's!" a man yelled into the phone. I asked for either of the boys and the line went quiet.

"Make it okay there, lass?" Connor's voice was calm, and didn't sound the least bit drunk thought I knew it was well past midnight at home.

"Yes. Thank you for… everything you both did to get me here." I leaned against the wall as I talked.

"Not ta rush ye or anything, but how is ye're Gram?" Murphy must have found another phone to be on the line.

I told them as quickly and as unemotionally as I could what I had found out. "I won't be coming home for a few days at least. Can one of you please let Aileen know? I didn't bring her number with me."

"I will," Connor promised. "I'll stop by on the way ta work tomorrow."

"Do ye want us ta fly out ta ye?" Murphy asked, concern filling his voice. It did make me smile, knowing both of them would come out if I asked them to.

"No, I'm okay. I have a few things to do here and then I'll be coming home. Just be waiting for me when I get there. I'll let you know more as soon as I have more details."

We said our goodbyes and I love you's. It wasn't enough. I wanted them here, but if what the doctor said was true, I would be home sooner than I wanted to be. Gram was awake when I got back to her room.

"So, tell me about Boston."

I rambled on for a bit about my job and Aileen. I left a lot out about Richard, just enough said so she would know I was okay and he was an asshole. She wasn't stupid though.

"I never should have said so many nice things about him. He was just always so damn polite on the phone. I thought he was a real catch." I shrugged and tried to change topics, but she wasn't so easily swayed. "So if he's out of your life, have you found a man to replace him?" She waggled her eyebrows in true Gram fashion.

"Well, actually Gram… I found two." I grinned and she laughed out loud until a coughing fit took her breath. I waited until she was looked over by a nurse before continuing.

I told her everything, not leaving anything out. Okay, I may have left out some details about the recent nights we had spent naked, but I didn't want to give her a heart attack. She listened intently, asking questions every now and again. She seemed pleased that they were Catholic, and when I told her about always having an escort around town, she beamed.

"Sounds like you found two of the few good ones left."

I nodded. I pulled out my wallet and pulled out the one picture I had of the three of us. Rocco had taken it with my camera at McGinty's and even in the picture, it was obvious how happy I was. I showed it to her and she scrutinized every inch of it.

"Very handsome. Do they love you as much as you love them?"

"Yeah, I think they do." I was suddenly shy. These were my boys, and I loved them, but I needed her to be okay with this very unconventional relationship.

"Well then who am I to complain?" She was happy. Her words could have been construed as something different, but the look on her face was pure joy. She knew that I would be taken care of after she was gone. "I know that we already went through most of my things when I moved out of the old house. You have your mother's possessions and a few pieces of furniture that you liked."

"The desk is working out great. I love the old roll top. It reminds me of Grandpa and when he used to write those long letters."

She agreed. "I have a box of photo albums and small mementos that you'll take back with you, but I wanted to give this to you as well." She reached over to the nightstand and pulled something out of the drawer. It was as familiar to me as my own skin and I wondered how I had missed that it wasn't around her neck.

"Your rosary?" I whispered, shocked as I held it in my hands. It was one of few blessed by the Pope himself when she and Grandpa had visited Rome before I was born. The silver cross was slightly tarnished, but the pink glass beads still shone like new.

She took both of my hands in hers and kissed each. "My dying wish to you, my darling girl… hold onto the love you have found with both hands and with all of the faith you can find. Family, love, and faith are the only constants in life. Have all three and think of me often."

If I had known it was the last time I would ever talk to her, I would have found something better to say, but I promised her I would and told her that I loved her. She was gone the next morning.


	8. Chapter 8

**What amazing group of people that I have following this story! Thank you all for the reviews on Chapter 7. I was worried it was too much and too sad, so I'm glad that I wrote it anyway. The next few chapters are going to move kind of rapidly as they follow the movie line. As always, BDS does not belong to me. Enjoy!**

Chapter 8

Gram was buried on Saint Patrick's Day next to my grandfather and mother. It was bitterly cold and the snow still hadn't melted. I wasn't even paying attention to the service. I was watching the group of people who had turned up to pay their last respects. I recognized a few old friends of Gram's. Aunt Mary was there. I got to meet the man who played Bingo with Gram. He was a nice man who was obviously grieving. I gave him a hug and left him to his pain.

The boys had promised not to come and they were true to their word. They would be spending most of the night at the pub and would drink in honor of the woman who raised me. I wasn't worried. They would probably get falling down drunk and crash at their apartment. I would be home in two days and we would figure out where to go from here.

It wasn't surprising that Gram had everything planned out in the event of her demise. I didn't even have to worry about what hymns were to be sung or what flowers to order. Everything was done. After the service, Aunt Mary and I sat with the lawyer for a reading of the will. Gram didn't have much, but it all went to me. There was no debt to deal with and I already had her few worldly possessions, including a hand sewn quilt from the old house. The remainder of the estate would cover all of her final bills and lawyers' fees. I was glad. I didn't want money. Money wouldn't fill the void that she left. If anything, it would make it even more noticeable.

I was glad when the plane touched down in Boston. I was happy to be home, but there was no welcoming committee at the gate nor at baggage claim. I had left messages for the boys with Doc at the pub, but maybe they just hadn't gotten them yet. I hailed a cab and piled everything in. The driver was kind enough to help me carry everything up the steps to my apartment, or maybe he just knew he had a decent tip coming. Whatever the reason, I was grateful.

I kicked the heat up and grabbed a shower. I was exhausted, but I needed Connor and Murphy with me more than sleep. I called McGinty's again, leaving yet another message on the machine. Something didn't feel right. I grabbed my keys and my coat and I headed back out into the world.

The apartment was dark and the door was busted in. I looked around, fear building. Everything seemed to be in place, but the bathroom was missing a toilet and everything smelled… wet.

"We got yer messages, but wanted ta clean up before coming over."

I jumped at the voice in the silence. I turned around and found Murphy leaning against the door jam, Connor behind him in the hallway. I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. Connor came into the room and fitted himself behind me. There was no place I wanted more to be than pressed between them, but I noticed something peeking out from under the edge of his sleeve. I pushed away from Murphy and whirled on his brother.

"What is this?" I demanded, yanking the fabric up to reveal a bandage on his wrist. I looked at the other wrist and found an identical wrap. "What the fuck is going on? What happened to you?" I took a full assessment of him and then of Murphy. They were pretty banged up.

"Was just a bar fight, lass. Nothing to worry yerself about."

"Nothing to worry about? Are you kidding me? Connor, you look like you tried to slice up your wrists and Murphy, you look like some beat the shit out of you. What happened?" They tried to get close to me, but I took a step back. I needed a bit of distance right now. They weren't telling me everything, that much was certain.

"We went to McGinty's on Saint Paddy's day. A couple of guys wanted ta fight. We let them have it." Connor was cautious as he spoke.

"They must've followed us home. They came back the next day, looking ta even the score. Found me and Con were enough ta beat them again."

"Not without a few marks though," Connor jokingly argued.

"You need to go to the police. These guys could come back again." I was seriously freaked out and they weren't even taking it seriously.

"Already did, lass." Ok, that made me let Connor drape an arm across my shoulders.

"You did?"

He nodded but it was Murphy who spoke. "We told the agent in charge, Smecker, 'bout the fight at the bar and 'bout being attacked. The men who did it won't be bothering us agin."

I raised my eyebrows. "And how would you know? Are you psychic?"

Connor shook his head. "Their dead. The agent told us, but didn't tell us how."

Again with the silent twin conversations. They were keeping things from me, but maybe they had a good reason to. "Okay. So you're not in trouble or anything?"

"Self-defense. Hospital bill's gone ta be a pain in the ass, though."

I pulled Connor close and reached a hand out to Murphy. "I'm just glad you're both okay. I couldn't deal with it if I lost you guys too."

I was surrounded by my men, and I felt okay for the first time in a week. I was loved. I was safe. I just wanted to go home. It was early enough to get home before dinnertime. One of them ordered a pizza while I grabbed a blanket from the bed. I climbed onto the couch between them, plopped my feet into Connor's lap and my head into Murphy's. We pulled the blanket over all of us and I napped until the food arrived.

After eating food prepared by well-meaning friends for days, I just needed something hot and really bad for me. The pizzeria down the street made the best pies in town by far. Connor ended up with a box to mouth sting of cheese which I strummed like a guitar. It felt good to laugh. I would miss my Gram, but she would be so angry with me if I stopped living and loving. I made her a promise and I was going to keep it.

"I need you both to make me a promise." I had their attention. "I need you guys to be honest with me. I need you to promise that you won't lie to me anymore." I held up my hand when they started to protest. "I don't care about the past, but going forward… we are a team. We are a family, and I need to know that I don't have to worry about you keeping things from me."

They glanced at each other before nodding. "Okay, lass," Connor said. "We'll do our best, but ye need to promise us that if we tell ye that something's not safe fer ye, that ye'll drop it. Deal?"

I agreed. I had to trust them. They hadn't really given me any reason not to.

I fell asleep that night, cuddling only Murphy. Connor had lost the coin toss to see who got to shower first. His loss meant that he was awake when the nightmare brought screams out of my mouth.

"Don't cry lass. Please don't cry," he murmured, but I couldn't help it.

All my life I had been plagued with nightmares. Gram was convinced it had to do with my mother's death, but it was more than that the therapists said. Lord knew I had seen plenty of them. There was something in my brain, an extra chemical or something, that made it hard to achieve a deep enough sleep to avoid the nightmare. He rubbed my back until I settled back down, bitching that his brother could sleep through rock concert.

Once his snores joined Murphy's, I climbed over him and headed into the kitchen. I dumped a bunch of ice into a rock's glass and poured Crème de Menthe over the top. It was my Gram's solution to a sleepless night, once I was in high school. Not enough to make me drunk, but enough to take the edge off. The smell of the alcohol made me feel heartsick. I made myself a bed on the couch where I could look out the window and see the moon. I sipped my drink until I felt fuzzy, then closed my eyes and waited for morning.

The boys wanted me to take a few more days off from work, but I needed to get back into the routine of life. I walked with Connor to work, not saying much. I was just content to hold his hand. Aileen tried to fuss over me until I firmly put my foot down. At lunchtime, I ran out to pick us up some Chinese food and, on a whim, bought a newspaper as well. I wanted to see what I had missed while I was gone.

"Did you see this?" I asked Aileen, pointed at an article on page two. It was written well, but nobody had bothered to proofread it for punctuation or spelling. "Looks like the Russian Mob just lost some of their big players."

"No complaints there," Aileen replied. "This town has too many guns as it is. The Italians are bad. The Russians were worse."

I read the article as she waited on a customer. The number of bodies was shocking. Whoever did this had my full appreciation. Nobody wanted to talk about the crime in Boston, but having two mobs fighting over turf meant a lot of hurt innocents. I remembered Doc mentioning that the Russians were moving in on the area around the bar. Maybe this would mean he wouldn't have to close.

The day dragged on. We didn't have many customers and you can only dust so many times before a person went crazy.

"Why don't you head home, honey? I'll close up shop. We're slow enough."

I wasn't going to argue with the woman. I grabbed my things and made my way home. On the counter, I found a note that said the boys were going to be out late since they were hanging out with Rocco. I didn't really mind. Okay, the truth was that I missed them when I was alone, but I had a stack of reviews to plow through and I could do it faster if I was by myself. I made a sandwich and got to work.


	9. Chapter 9

**So I've been debating on how to deal with Siobhan learning about the boys' new lifestyle and I have to give credit on the idea of this chapter to my newest reviewer, Gracefulfalling! Get ready for Richard returning! As always, thank you to my reviewers and followers. Without you, this story wouldn't be worth writing! Much love! (And as always, BDS does not belong to me.)**

Chapter 9

When I hadn't heard from either of my boys by the Sunday afternoon, I went looking for them. Other than being in Illinois, we hadn't spent any time away from each other. It was weird to be alone for days and I didn't like that they didn't at least touch base. I stopped by McGinty's but the pub was closed. I looked in the window and saw that the bar fight had done some damage, but it could be repaired. I made a mental note to talk to Doc and see if there was anything I could do to help. I liked his place.

The apartment was empty and it felt like they hadn't spent much time there. There were no new cigarette butts in the ashtray and the pile of dirty clothes hadn't grown since I was there on the other night. Their rosaries weren't on the wall, so it wasn't like they had been abducted. All of it just felt… wrong.

I had no other ideas of where to go, so I wandered around aimlessly. I ended up at the church they went to. I touched the beads at my neck and thought of Gram. On a whim, I went inside and took a seat in one of the back pews. The church was empty so I found it easy to lose myself in the artwork on the walls and in the faith that I knew filled the space. I didn't agree with religion anymore. I had my faith, but I didn't like being told what to believe, but in this place, I felt something.

I went home before it got dark and started dinner. I only made enough for myself. I didn't like it. I was almost finished when I heard a key in the lock. I was ready when they came through the door and I knew I didn't look happy.

"Where the fuck have you two been?"

At least they had the decency to look ashamed. Neither one of them tried to hug me. I guess they could feel the anger rolling off of me in waves.

"We didn't mean ta worry ye, love," Murphy said, palms up in defense. "Rocco had a bad couple o' days and we didn't want ta leave 'im alone."

"Not good enough, Murphy. You promised no lies. Omission is a lie." I was ready for a fight. I hadn't been really angry. I had been scared and worried and now that they were acting like it wasn't a big deal, I was pissed.

"Lass, ye need to trust us." Connor so needed to drop the 'handle her with kid gloves' tone.

"And you need to trust me!" I yelled. "Since I've been home, the two of you have been gone and when we are together, I know you're keeping something from me. And then to disappear with way to get ahold of you, no way to know if you were okay… seriously, what the fuck?"

They did that silent talk thing and I so wasn't dealing with it. "You know what? Fine. If you can't talk to me and trust me, I'm out of here."

I stormed out of the apartment and made it halfway down the stairs before a pair of hands grabbed me. "Let go of me, MacManus!"

The hands tightened, but the boys hadn't smelled like booze. I slowly turned around on the landing and realized I hadn't even seen Richard waiting there. All of the sudden, I was very afraid.

"Hello, Siobhan," he slurred, getting very close to me. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and he desperately needed to shave. The worst part was the look in his eyes. It was almost manic. "Where you running to?"

"Let go of me, Richard." I tried to pull away, but he was sure to leave bruises on my arm. I couldn't move.

"You and me are going to take a walk." He pulled and I stumbled. Thankfully, I was able to right myself before I tumbled down the steps. He was babbling about being taken advantage of, that it was all my fault. I truly had no idea what he planned, but I knew I had to do something.

So I screamed.

"You bitch!" he yelled, backhanding me with his free hand.

I fell, wrenching out of his grasp. He towered over me, sneering. "You're gonna pay for that, whore." I tried to brace myself, but I wasn't expecting him to kick me in the stomach.

I couldn't breathe. I covered my head and face to protect it in some way, but it meant that I couldn't see. I curled up in a ball and cried out each time his foot connected with some part of my body. In the pain, I prayed. I begged God to save me, but I didn't expect an answer so swiftly.

Richard was pulled off of me and thrown into a wall. I heard the impact and knew it had broken something. It was Murphy's face that I saw in front of mine, when I finally lowered my arms.

"God in Heaven. Oh Siobhan," he said, voice barely above a whisper. He cradled me in his arms, feeling every shake and shiver coursing through me. I was seriously hurt.

I looked over his shoulder and gasped. "Connor!"

He looked at me, but continued to point a very big gun at my attacker who was bleeding profusely from the nose. He had an arm wrapped around his side and I knew at least a few of those ribs were going to hurt for a while. He had the look of a caged animal.

"Lass, it's yer call," Connor said, motioning to Richard.

I shook my head. What the hell had happened while I was gone? The steel in Connor's eyes felt so out of place, not to mention where the hell did he get a gun from?

"Don't," I said, staring Connor directly in the eye.

He nodded and glared down at Richard. He slipped the gun into the holster under his arm and grabbed Richard with both arms, pulling him close. "Ye're lucky. She's the only reason I'm lettin' ye live. Come near her again, and even she won't be able ta stop me." He shoved him towards the stairwell and watched as Richard took off.

Connor moved towards us, but he stopped when he saw me flinch. He looked at Murphy, another silent conversation but this time I didn't care. Murphy stood with me in his arms, no small feat as I wasn't a tiny woman, but he got me upstairs and onto the couch without dropping me. He knelt on the floor beside me, brushing my hair out of my face and looking me over. Connor disappeared, probably to rummage around in my medicine cabinet. He returned with peroxide and cotton balls, handing them to Murphy. He then made himself scarce.

I didn't realize that I was bleeding until the cotton balls came away red, leaving a nasty sting behind. We were both silent as he made sure none of the cuts and scrapes on my hands and knees needed stitches. My ribs and stomach hurt, but I didn't think anything was broken.

"You're going to Aileen's tonight." It wasn't a question and I didn't argue.

He got me sitting upright, and made me a cup of tea. He sat on the floor in front of me, letting me process what had just transpired.

"What's going on, Murphy?" I inhaled and grimaced. "The truth this time."

He sighed. "Connor doesn't want me ta tell ye."

I closed my eyes. "So I'm going to lose you both after I just lost my grandmother? Karma must fucking hate me right now."

I felt his hand take mine, fingers intertwining. "Ye're not goin' ta lose us."

"I apparently already have." I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry, but a single tear slipped down my cheek.

I felt him move to be in front of me, wiping that traitorous tear away. "Look at me." I complied only because I didn't have any fight left in me. "Things are bad right now, love. Real bad. I need you to trust us… trust me."

"How can I trust you when you won't talk to me?" I searched his face for answers.

All at once, he dropped his guard and kissed me. It hurt, but it was a reassurance that I needed. I kissed him back, fingers in his hair. It took more restraint that I wanted to admit, but I wasn't giving up that easily. I gently pushed on his chest to put some space between us.

"Tell me, Murph. Please."

And he did. He told me about the bar fight and being taken by the Russian's. He told me about Connor's leap of the building with the toilet and about beating the Russian's head in with the tank cover. There was the hospital visit and talking to Agent Smecker. He started telling me about God commanding him and Connor to be his agents of justice, which I thought was a little weird, but then again this entire day was weird. He told me that they were responsible for the Russian mob bosses' deaths, and that Rocco had been set up to fail. There were druggie bitches involved and something about killing a cat.

I was overwhelmed and shell shocked. My men… the good ones that Gram believed in… they were killers. I wanted to be angry or repulsed, but instead I felt a bit of, in some weird way, pride. It was so confused.

"I need some time to figure all this out, Murph." He dropped my hand and choked back what could have been considered a sob. I labored to my feet and dragged him up with me. "Listen to me, Murphy MacManus. I just need to wrap my head around this. Imagine this from my point of view. Honey, it's a lot to take in."

I let him wrap me up in a hug, kissing the top of my head. "I trust you, Murphy. And I trust Connor. I just got freaked out with all this. I'm going to call Aileen and have her come get me. Give me a couple of days, okay?"

I felt his head nodding, but he was holding me so closely. He thought I was going to run. I didn't know what I was going to do.

Connor cleared his throat from the hallway. "I packed yer stuff. Aileen's on her way." I limped over to him and wrapped myself around him. He sighed in relief and dropped my bag, pulling me closer to him.

"Just need some time," I mumbled into his shirt, inhaling the smell of him.

Murphy joined us, sandwiching me between them. It terrified me that this felt final, that it felt like goodbye. I didn't want it to be the end, but I had no clue how to deal with all of this, knowing that it wasn't over.

I only told Aileen about Richard, saying the boys had simply scared him off. She instead on taking me to the hospital and having me checked out. I was bumped and bruised, but as I assumed, nothing was broken. The doctors even complimented Murphy's quick thinking to clean up the cuts in case of infection. She then dragged me to the police station to file a restraining order against Richard. I didn't think it was necessary, but I couldn't tell her why. She hadn't seen the realization dawn on my ex as he understood that Connor really would kill him with no remorse. I just did as she asked.

I had trouble sleeping that night. Aileen had offered me the bed, but I took the couch instead. I knew I would lie awake most of the night so it didn't really matter where I was. I looked through the old newspapers on her coffee table and realized the destruction that had occurred without me knowing. The deli that Rocco had shot up was a bloodbath. My boys were a little less… violent, but that didn't mean the trail of dead bodies was any smaller.

I wanted to believe that Rocco was a good man in a bad situation. I knew deep down that Connor and Murphy weren't evil. It was just a lot to process and I didn't have any clue where to begin.


	10. Chapter 10

**BDS does not belong to me, although I wish it did. This chapter is simply a means to get the plot line moving. I'm completely bored with the typical "following the movie" line of thought so this chapter is to get us moving past that and back to what I consider "fun". Please forgive any errors or issues. Much love!**

Chapter 10

Now that I knew what I was looking for, the news reports were increasingly disturbing. Not because of the destruction or death, but because that police seemed to be on top of things. It was only a matter of time until they caught up with my boys and who knew what the result of that meeting would be.

My boys. I wondered if they still were, in fact, mine. This mission that they were on seemed to be pulling them further and further away from me. Even Aileen noticed the lack of their presence and the effect it was having on me. I shrugged it off, saying that they were pulling double shifts at the meat packing plant. I had given up camping on her sofa. My apartment was home. I refused to be chased out of the one place I should feel most safe.

As my few days turned into a week, the ache of loneliness settled into my heart. I hadn't made any effort to contact them, and the silence on their part was deafening.

"I don't know what's going on, Siobhan, but you need to go spend time with Connor and Murphy. You need to cheer up," Aileen scolded, sitting herself next to me at the register counter.

"It's not that simple," I replied.

"It's love. It should always be that simple."

It was like a switch going on, a blinding light of understanding. Love should be simple. Fear was holding me back. It was the fear of losing them. It was fear of what other people would think if they knew I was connected to them. It wasn't fear of what they were doing. They were only doing what no one else would. In another era, they would be called revolutionaries.

I knew my boys. I knew their hearts. Let the chips fall where they may. We were a team and we could deal with anything that was thrown our way if we stuck together. I wanted to be stuck to them.

In a whirlwind, I was out the door, yelling promises to Aileen that I would explain everything later. I caught a cab, McGinty's my destination. The building was locked, but I banged on the door until Doc let me in. He ushered me inside and bolted the door behind me, drawing the shades closed.

"Where are they, Doc?" I asked, following him to the bar.

He put two glasses in front of us, dumped ice into them, and topped them off with a heavy pour of good Irish whiskey. He downed his and poured another, now even acknowledging my question.

"Doc?" I persisted.

He slid an envelope to me and dropped into his seat. I grabbed it and tore it open, the paper inside crumpled and stained. I had to read the words on it twice before they made sense. Even then, it didn't really sink in.

"Rocco's dead?"

He nodded. "And the… the… the… fuck! Ass! The boys said they wouldn't be around anymore."

My worst nightmare was coming true. "Something really bad happened, didn't it?"

I didn't need to wait for his confirmation. I didn't want to believe my boys had anything to do with the massacre the news broadcasted this morning on the television, but if Rocco was dead, then there was no denying it. They wouldn't have let him go into a fight alone. He was as much a part of their family as I was. They would have had his back.

I drank my whiskey in honor of Rocco, and gave Doc a hug goodbye. He swore he didn't know where the boys were, but I had a feeling I knew someone who would.

I entered the police station and was thrust into absolute chaos. I was denied a meeting with Agent Smecker. Instead of giving up, I took a seat on the hard chairs instead and insisted that I would wait.

"Ms. Gray?"

I glanced at the clock. It had taken three hours, but apparently they had gotten the point. "Yes. And you are?"

"Detective Greenly," he replied, shaking my hand and leading me to his desk. He wasn't too young, but his name was apt. I doubt he had seen the scum of the earth in his time as a cop. His eyes were too clear. "How may I help you?"

"As I told the nice lady at the reception desk," I said, voice dripping with more than a bit of annoyance, "I wanted to speak to Agent Smecker. As you are not Agent Smecker, this conversation is a waste of my time." I stood. "When you assholes can get your shit together, maybe then we can get somewhere."

I moved back to the seat I had claimed earlier. I crossed my legs and settled in for another wait. Instead, company joined me. Detective Greenly was going to become a pain in my ass.

"Why do you want to speak with Agent Smecker?"

I rolled my eyes. "Why should I tell you that? It's highly personal."

"I've been working with him closely for the past month." That peaked my interested. "If you want to see him, I can pull the strings, but I need to know why I should bother."

I turned to him and decided to give in, just a little bit. "If you've been working with him, then you know that the Saints of South Boston are missing. If you know that, then you also know that Agent Smecker is smarter than the average cop and probably has figured out why they behind so much blood."

He didn't nod, but I could see the truth on his face. He knew more than he was willing to let me know. "Go on."

"Those Saints mean more to me than life itself, and I want to know where they are."

His voice was soft. "And what are you to them?"

"I'm their fucking girlfriend."

He was obviously shocked. He hurried away to make a phone call and when he came back, he wasn't alone.

"Greenly, go get me a coffee, sweet and low with a twist of lemon, and I want an onion bagel… with cream cheese."

Detective Greenly groaned and offered to get me something. "A cup of coffee with sugar and creamer, please."

We ended up in an office with a door. Agent Smecker closed it and made sure that the blinds were tight. He disconnected the video recorder before sitting down across from me.

He wasn't what I expected. I thought I would be dealing with a fat old cop, but the agent was tall, slender, and obviously flaming gay. He also looked like he had taken a bath in shit of the world.

"So what can I do for you, Ms. Gray?" he asked, offering me a cigarette. I politely declined.

"I want to know where Connor and Murphy are." I liked that he was straight to the point. I didn't want to play political games.

"And you seem to think that I would know?"

I stood and walked to the window. "We both know that you do."

I heard a folder open and papers being shuffled. "You told my detective that you were one of their girlfriends. Which one?"

"Both," I said, crossing my arms. He snorted and I whirled around, ready for a fight. "Don't you dare mock me, Agent Smecker. My personal life is not on display for you to judge, especially since yours is… unconventional as well, wouldn't you say?" I paused, and then asked with mocked sincerity, "How is your boyfriend?"

He leaned back in his chair, sipping on his coffee, studying me. He wasn't offended at my accusation so I knew I hit the nail on the head. I didn't let my gaze waver. I didn't let him see any indecision. He finally inclined his head, and pulled out a business card from his pocket. He jotted an address down on the back, but hesitated to give it to me.

"I have a sense about people, Ms. Gray. Your heart is in the right place, but do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into?"

"Your concern would be touching if I wasn't considering throwing myself across this table to get that card. Those men belong to me. I don't need to know anything else." I reached across the table and plucked the card out of his hand. "I don't know what all you're doing to protect them, Agent Smecker, but let me make you one promise. If anything happens to them, I will hold you personally responsible."


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for all the great feedback, everyone! We have a long way to go to get to the end, but I'm having a great time writing the journey! And the only constant bummer is… BDS does not belong to me.**

Chapter 11

I was cold and tired. Getting to the address that Agent Smecker had given me was no easy task. The last thing I wanted to do risk anyone following me so I first went back to my apartment and packed an overnight bag. I took the metro to the outskirts of town and then a cab to a shopping center where I wandered around, making sure I was alone. I grabbed a bite of dinner at the cafe there, the only other diner an older man with a beard. He looked me over and went back to his pie. He kind of creeped me out so I ate quickly and headed back outside.

Night had fallen, making me nervous. The address I had been given led me to a somewhat seedy motel with a no vacancy sign lit. I took a chance on which door to try first, choosing the room at the far end of the parking lot. I knocked and waited, hearing sounds of motion from inside. The door was flung open and I came face to face with the barrels of two very large guns.

"Whoa! Don't shoot! It's me!" I yelled, throwing my hands up and dropping my bag on the ground.

Both guns were immediately put away and I was drug into a fierce hug. He made room for me to enter the cramped space. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I made out two beds and a table, overrun with takeout containers. It was Connor who had answered the door, Murphy sitting on the edge of the bed furthest from the door.

"Siobhan…"

I touched Connor's cheek. He looked like he had been in the fight of his life, but would be okay. Murphy, on the other hand, didn't even look up. It may have just been that he was in shock, but it scared the hell out of me. I made my way over to him and ran my hand through his hair. He was shaking. I let him take all the time he needed, but eventually he reached for me. He leaned his head against my stomach, his hands holding the back of my thighs. His breathe was uneven, and when I looked down, there were tears streaming down his face.

I didn't say anything. I just let him cry, even when tears turned to sobs. It was obvious that despite how much pain Connor was in, seeing his brother like this was hurting him even more. I opened my embrace of Murphy to make room for Connor, who knelt in front of us. He wrapped one arm around my waist. The other he used to hold Murphy, whispering words of comfort to him in Gaelic.

Eventually, Connor found my face. "How did ye find us?"

I shrugged. "It's no big deal. I just threatened a cop."

"Ye did?" he asked, a note of awe in his voice.

"Well, not exactly a cop. It was your friend, Smecker." His eyes went wide. "Oh don't worry. He had it coming. It was like he was expecting to see me."

Holding my boys, I felt like I was whole again. "We're a team. I shouldn't have freaked out like I did. I love you, Connor. I shouldn't have been afraid." I moved to cup Murphy's cheek. "Darling, please look at me."

He was beat up worse than I had feared. Both of them were battered and bruised. There had obviously been a lot of blood and a lot of death. Their clothes were in shreds and I made a mental note to kick Smecker's ass for not taking care of them better. Thank goodness I had thought to stop by my apartment before coming here.

I pulled away from Connor to take his place on the floor. I brushed Murphy's hair from his face and kissed him softly. When he didn't respond, I deepened the kiss, demanding that he come back to me. His response was slow, but it was there.

Something told me that this was a defining moment. "Murphy, I love you. Connor loves you. Don't leave us." I let him pull me into him, my lips against his ear. "Don't leave me, Murphy. Please."

His voice was so low, I almost missed it. "Tis all so… fucked up, Siobhan."

"I know, baby, but it's going to be okay." I patted his shoulder and stood, finding my solace in Connor. His lips were waiting for mine. "Forgive me?"

"Always, lass. Especially when ye kiss me like dat." I couldn't help but do it again.

I grabbed my bag and pulled out clean clothes for both of them. I made each of them take a shower, even soaking my own clothes to help then wash the places they were too stiff to reach. I gently touched marks that looked vaguely like the brand of an iron, but didn't ask questions. There would be time for that later. I got them dressed and changed into a pair of sweatpants myself.

Murphy was standing in front of the window by the time I was done in the bathroom. Connor was lying on the bed, snoring. It was such a comforting sound. I joined Murphy, snuggling up against him. He tense, but relaxed when he confirmed it was me.

"Rocco's dead." His voice was devoid of emotion.

"Doc told me."

He turned to face me, letting the drapes swing behind him. "Ye don't get it. 'Tis our fault. We brought him inta this."

I shook my head. "Don't do that to yourself. Rocco made his own choices, just like we all do. You can't take the blame on this one. He wouldn't want you to."

He dropped into one of the chairs at the table. I settled into his lap. We cuddled for a while without talking, just content to be together. I would need to make sure I made it up to Connor, but instinct told me he wouldn't mind.

"Our da is back."

"Oh?" On the rare occasions they talked about their childhood, they only mentioned being raised by their mother. They had very few memories of their dad.

"He's thinkin' fer us ta go underground, get out of sight."

"Okay."

"We need ta see dis through, lass," a voice came from the bed. I guess he wasn't as asleep as I thought he was. "We owe it ta Rocco."

Murphy nuzzled my hair. "Come wit us." I guess I was silent too long because I felt him withdrawing from me again. "Tis okay. Ye can forget I said that."

I laughed out loud, startling him. "Murph, I'm not debating whether or not I'm going. I'm debating what I need to pack."

His reaction was priceless. These tears were pure joy.

Connor called to us, wanting to share in the moment. I was guided over to the bed, where I got in next to Connor without being prompted. Murphy climbed in next, spooning me. His grip was almost painful, but he needed to be as close to me as he could get. Or rather, us. I noticed he was holding Connor's arm, the brotherly connection something that could never be severed.

Murphy's hand slid under my shirt, find soft skin. His lips were on my neck, trailing over my shoulders. Connor mirrored each kiss, each lick, each nibble. Heaven couldn't be any better than having the complete attention of my amazing Irishmen.

We kept the moon company, losing bits of clothing and inhibition as the clock ticked towards dawn. Eventually, I fell asleep in a cocoon of warm bodies.

I don't know how long I was out, but the sun was high when I left dreamland behind. I was alone in the bed, somewhat chilly. I wrapped the blanket under my arms and knotted it to keep it in place. I checked the bathroom but it was empty. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth quickly. I was hoping that either of the boys would be back by the time I was done, but I was disappointed.

Something didn't feel right. I checked around the room, but their things were gone. My overnight bag was gone, too. My wallet was on the table next to an envelope. Unfamiliar writing was scrawled across the front of the paper.

'Hard choices are for the best.'

Inside the envelope was a stack of cash. I was so confused. I thought we were in this together. I thought I was going with them. It was painfully apparent that someone disagreed with that plan.

A knock sounded at the door and I peeked around the curtain to see a cop car outside. I wasn't really surprised to see Detective Greenly waiting for me. It just confirmed that Connor and Murphy were gone.

"Ms. Gray, I'm here to take you home," Detective Greenly called.

I got dressed, feeling humiliated, ashamed, and more than a little pissed. The detective tried to make small talk on the drive back into the city, but I ignored him. At my apartment, I got out and tossed him the envelope that I had stashed in my back pocket.

"Here," I said. "Give this to Agent Smecker. Tell him to add it to the evidence."

He glanced inside of it and bit back a rude comment. "For what it's worth… I'm really sorry."

I gave him a small, sad half-smile. "Yeah, well. Me too."

Everything in the apartment was the same as I had left it not twenty-four hours prior. I was the one who had changed. I had been willing to give up everything in my life to go on the run with two killers. What kind of crazy romance novel was this out of? I must have imagined it all. This was just some crazy nightmare that I would wake up from with some nasty hangover. I figured that I should just enjoy the craziness and went into the kitchen to pour myself a drink.

Any hope I had of pretending the past few months hadn't happened were dashed when I saw the three dirty coffee mugs sitting in the sink. They were gone.

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	12. Chapter 12

**First of all, let me apologize to my followers. Chapter 11 was NOT the end of this story. I don't like sad endings so stay tuned for much more to come! BDS does not belong to me, but the plotline from here on out is 100% mine. Enjoy! Much love everyone!**

Chapter 12

Time is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha. It was more like funny 'life is depressing and I don't laugh, then I'm going to jump off of the nearest bridge wearing nothing but a red clown nose". For the first month, I checked the mail every chance I got, hoping for a letter. I jumped every time the phone rang, certain it one of them calling to apologize and explain what the fuck was going on. The news was quiet so I couldn't even use that to follow them. Agent Smecker swore he had no idea where they were or what their plan was. No one knew anything. It was like they had just vanished into thin air.

The second month was just as hard, only I was coming to terms with being alone. It didn't hurt any less to admit it. It was simply the formal acknowledgement. Aileen worried over me, making sure I was eating and not neglecting myself. It was all of my energy just to get up in the mornings and take a shower. I was a zombie at work and my editorial reviews sat untouched. I figured there was a message on my answering machine from the newspaper saying that I was fired, but I had stopped checking it.

By the ninety day mark, I was angry. I mean, really furious. It was like a blind rage I had never felt before and I took it out on anyone who got in my way. I had ceased to turn on the television at night. Seeing the press following the preliminary Yakavetta tended to make me throw things. It was irrational, but I blamed him for all of my pain. I blamed him for Rocco, too. Rocco may not have been my whole world, but he meant something to those I loved. For that, Yakavetta should burn in hell.

"I'm coming over tonight," Aileen said as we were closing up the shop. "Lord only knows how long it's been since you ate something other than frozen waffles and let's face it, honey… your clothes have been smelling a little ripe."

I didn't even argue with her. I led the way home and ignored her shocked gasp. I knew my apartment looked like hell. I was going to get around to cleaning it… eventually. It was her own fault for insisting that she needed to take care of me. I happened to like frozen waffles.

I could handle her cleaning and cooking. I could handle her whistling. I put my foot down when she wanted to tuck me in. I told her that I was fine and shoved her out the door. I waited until I was sure she was gone before pouring myself a still drink. Whiskey was the only thing that tasted good to me anymore and I went down to visit with Doc on a regular basis. He had the bar open again and he made sure to order an extra bottle of the special Irish that he served.

I thought I was in the clear, but I forgot to lock the door. "Oh darlin'."

I was so busted. She made me sit down and tell her everything. I started at the beginning and it was after midnight when I was done. I didn't leave anything out. It felt good to get it all off my chest, but afterward I just felt empty.

"Love is a painful thing," Aileen said, rubbing my back in slow circles. It was easy to imagine her as a young mother, taking care of her children.

"They left me, Aileen. They promised to take me with them, and then they left me alone." I sniffled.

I hadn't cried since the motel. Now I couldn't seem to stop. In Aileen's arms, I wailed like a banshee. The pain was too much to bear. How could I go on without them? It was like losing half of my soul without warning. I wanted to die.

I collapsed into bed at some point, but I didn't want to close my eyes. I didn't want to see them in my dreams. Aileen got me up a few hours later, and force fed me breakfast. We got to work and she got me settled behind the counter with a search-a-word puzzle and a highlighter. I wanted to feel annoyed at being treated like a child, but I was kind of grateful someone else was taking control. Aileen turned on the ting television on to the morning talk shows she loved so much, but I was able to ignore it until the breaking story 'interrupted the regular scheduled programming".

The news reporter was a perky blonde, probably older than she looked. She was standing outside of the courthouse where people were running.

"In a twisted chain of events, Joseph Yakavetta, notorious Italian crime mob boss, is dead. Three gunmen entered the courthouse where Yakavetta was on trial and executed him, according to eyewitnesses."

She blabbered on about details and reactions, but I stopped listening. All I could hear in my head was Connor telling me that they had to 'see it through… for Rocco'. There were no names released, but I knew it was them. Aileen must have come to the same conclusion because she was staring at me, waiting to see what the news would do to me.

I went back to my puzzle.

"Are you alright?"

I shrugged. If they came for me, I would go, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up too high. The third gunman must have been who left me the note. I would bet my life savings of thirteen dollars and forty-seven cents that man was their father. If that was the case, then being left behind made sense in a somewhat fucked up way. I let the anger drain out of me. I couldn't hold a father's concern for his children against them, as much as I wanted to.

We ate lunch from the Jewish deli down the street, and went about our normal business. The only chance I had was when I got home. The lights were on, but the apartment was silent. They had been there. Things were moved and my refrigerator had been rummaged through. There were two bottles of beer missing. Whether it was a message or them just being thirsty, they came here and I wasn't here. I had missed my only chance.

I went over to my desk and opened up my laptop, staring blankly at the screen. It was all over and I was supposed to find motivation in that to do work? Who was I kidding?

I glanced at the clock and decided to go for a walk. It was dark outside, but God help the person who decided to mess with me. I walked along the waterfront, no clear destination in mind. I was just looking for some semblance of a memory. Divine intervention or not, the same damn church was looming in front of me. I was sure it would be locked up tight, but the front door was open and the inside lights were welcoming.

There were a few people inside, praying or speaking quietly amongst themselves. I pulled my Gram's rosary from under my sweater and fingered the beads, lost in thought.

"Did you come for confession, my child?"

I looked up to find the priest looking intently at me. I nodded and was gestured into the booth. I let the curtain envelope me in darkness and struggled to find the words from a long forgotten pastime.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been… many years since my last confession." I could see his shadow through the screen as he crossed me and waited. "I did not come here for forgiveness or absolution, Father. I came because I am… lost."

"How so, my child?"

I sighed. "Father, I lost my faith many years ago, but is it possible God has not abandoned me?"

"The Shepard never abandons his flock."

"I want to believe that, Father, but I am alone again and I can't seem to find Him. My Gram is dead, and the men that I love have disappeared to protect me."

"You speak of more than one man." He didn't sound accusatory and I wondered why.

"Yes, Father. There are two men in my life. I went from a… bad relationship to two Irishmen who I would have sworn loved me, but they're gone." I took a deep breath. "Father, I confess my greatest sin. I am in love the Saints of South Boston. Time and distance hasn't changed that. The blood and death that surrounds them hasn't altered how I feel in one bit. How can I go on with my life carrying this burden? How could God possibly love someone who feels this way?"

The other side of the wall was quiet for a long time. "Do you feel that they are evil?"

I shook my head and realized that he couldn't see me. "No. The world may view them as evil, but I know them. I know what's in their hearts."

I heard movement and my side of the booth was opened. The priest leaned in so that only I could hear him and see his face, intently studying me. "Would you risk everything, including God's wrath, to find them?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes, even if it meant my life."

He held something out to me. I originally thought it was a photograph, but once handling it, I realized it was a postcard. It had a picture of Ireland on the front. There was nothing written on the card, but holding it gave me shivers.

"The blonde one wasn't sure if they should leave this for you or not, but the dark one insisted. He said that you would understand," the priest said, crossing me. "Go with God, my child. May His blessings follow you on your journey."

I was shocked. I walked to the front of the church and knelt at the feet of Jesus, bowing my head. I prayed, as best as I could, for guidance. I was being offered a gift, a chance to find happiness, but what if I wasn't worthy of it? The postcard in my hand was proof of a devotion I knew I would never find again, a declaration of a future if I was only brave enough to take the first step.

What the hell. It wasn't as if I was actually considering not going.

I got myself back to the bookshop and let myself in, disarming the alarms. I headed to our travel section and found the three books we had on Ireland. Two were tourist trash. The other held some promise. I left a note on the counter with some money to cover its costs, reset the alarm, and went home. The first thing I did was pull out my laptop and check my bank account balance. There was no way I could do this without help. I considered my options and opted to wait until morning for my next step.

Doc wasn't thrilled about being woken up at the ass crack of dawn, but chilled out when he realized it was me. He let me into the bar and led me up the stairs to his apartment. He fixed us both cups of coffee and settled into his armchair.

"What can I do for… for… for… fuck! Ass! What can I do for ye?"

I handed him the postcard. "You knew them better than anyone else I know. If they were going home, where would home be?"

He shook his head. "Don't be getting' inta this, lass."

I rested my arms on my knees. "I'm already in it, Doc. I can't let them go, not without trying to find them. I love them, more than anything. Please Doc… help me."

"I don't know if they'll go home, but they always talked about Ranelagh." He lumbered to his feet and made his way to his bookcase. He yanked down an old bible and handed it to me. "Take this wit ye. There'll be help in these pages."

I was honored. I hugged him and kissed both of his cheeks. I doubted I would be seeing him again, and I was so grateful for everything he had always done for me. Aileen was my next stop.

"Of course I will help, Siobhan! You're family to me. What do you need me to do?"

I laid out my idea to her, showing her the postcard and the book from the store. "I'm going after them. I don't know where I'm going to end up, but I need to get across the damn ocean at least."

She reached for her purse and handed me her wallet. "Use my American Express card. Book whatever flights you need, any hotel you want. Clothes, food… you name it, it's yours."

I tried to hand it back to her. "I can't accept all this."

She hugged me. "My sweet girl, I work because I'm bored. I could quit both jobs tomorrow and live comfortably for the rest of my life and well into my next. Let me take care of you as I would my own children."

I guess God did exist. I took her card and promised to mail it back to her when I was done. We spent the rest of the day shopping and preparing and it was dinnertime before she dropped me off at the police station. Knowing where I needed to go, I barged into Smecker's office, startling him and the police chief.

"What are you doing here, Ms. Gray?" Smecker demanded, excusing himself from his previous conversation. He all but pushed me back outside, lighting a cigarette to cover up his emotions.

I wasn't above begging, but I doubted it would be necessary. "You had to have helped them. Now I need you to do the same for me."


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello everyone! It's me again. Being snowed in really makes for some productive use of time – I was able to write for three days straight! As always, thank you for following me and my story and I'm hoping that you love it as much as I do. Please see the author's note at the end of the story, and as always, BDS does not belong to me!**

Chapter 13

I had to admit, London was a gorgeous city. Even just getting out of the airport, I knew that this four day layover wasn't going to be a hardship. I hailed a taxi and gave the driver the name of my hotel. I enjoyed the scenic drive, the warm day showcasing new flowers and happy people. I checked in, dropped my bags in my room, and raced to make my appointment on time.

"Good afternoon, Miss! It is a pleasure for us to serve you today!" The salon receptionist was a bubbly girl, ushering me to a quiet room to relax while my stylist finished up her current client.

I put my feet up on the rest provided for me and contemplated what had led me here.

After the whirlwind of discovering a trail of breadcrumbs that would lead me far away from home, I enlisted the help of three important people: Doc for the location, Aileen for the means, and Agent Smecker for the ability. There was no one else that needed to know what was going on. I had a feeling that would play in my favor.

Doc's bible had so far been the least useful of my tools, but it was a constant reminder for me to have faith. This would all work out, and if it didn't, it was in God's hands. Aileen had given me money and provisions, insisting that she take care of most of the expenses. Flying across the Atlantic wasn't cheap, especially since I didn't want anyone to be following me. I had four days in London, then two in Madrid. Eventually, I would land in Dublin. From there it would be a train ride and hopefully a taxi, but those couldn't be booked ahead of time. By that point, Siobhan Gray would be no more.

That's where Agent Smecker came in. I had a new passport and a new identity. Siobhan Gray was still in Boston. Siobhan O'Grady from Chicago, Illinois had flown into London just this morning, heading to Ireland to visit family. Sometime next week, there would be a horrible car accident and a disfigured body would be identified as my remains. I had no family to mourn me and I was confident that Aileen would be a fantastic actress. It was the perfect plan, as long as someone didn't fuck up big time.

"Miss O'Grady? I'm Jean. Are you ready for your makeover?"

I nodded. That was the one part of this that I wasn't looking forward to. It had been Aileen's suggestion to change my look, just in case I was recognized. I kept my eyes closed until the weight of my hair was gone. Jean kept my mind occupied with meaningless chit chat, but I was happy for the distraction. I was cut, dyed, plucked, waxed, painted, and styled. She spun me around and I gasped. It took hours, but I didn't even recognize myself.

My hair was cut to the shoulders with multiple layers and the color was absolutely beautiful. I asked her to keep the base color the same but add in a few highlights to make it a little bit different. She used a soft honey color and it brought out the color in my eyes, or so she said. I paid her in cash, trying to avoid using the credit card in my new name as much as possible.

The next few days, I went sightseeing. I had never really travelled before and I wanted to take it all in. I took a tour of Big Ben. I enjoyed a royal tea in a rather posh restaurant. I shopped in fancy boutiques, finding clothes that would suit the warmer weather in a wetter climate. I felt fantastic, but very anxious. After a wonderful steak dinner at Ember Yard, a pub near my hotel, jetlag caught up to me and I fell blissfully asleep.

My time in Madrid was rushed and the time change wrecked havoc on my internal systems. Then again, that could have been in part to the rich food I was indulging in. I found myself toying with Gram's rosary on a constant basis. I was beyond anxious. I was nervous. I was scared. I was so close to the end of my journey, I could taste the whiskey, but I knew that I wasn't in the clear yet. Getting to Ireland was just the beginning.

Dublin was a bustling city and I had more than a bit of trouble finding the route to the train station. It didn't help that I now had a full suitcase to deal with instead of just my duffle bag. I finally got my ticket and prepared for the wait. I had a few hours to kill, but didn't want to get lost again. Here, I was trying not to stand out too much and getting lost and having to call a taxi would be a huge issue. There was no way I could pretend to have an accent. I was obviously American, but was mostly ignored by the people at the station.

The ride was uneventful and upon reaching Ranelagh, I found myself unable to get a taxi. There just weren't any to get. I guess I had expected a village busier than what I got, but it was quaint. It was a place of hardworking people, judging by what I saw. There were a bunch of smiles and offers of help, all of which I declined politely. I rented a locker at the train station and shoved my bags into it. I carried only my small purse with me.

I tried to think like a MacManus. They wouldn't be living in the heart of town. They would want their privacy more than anything, but close enough to a pub or two. They would need to eat so I would guess they would be in relative distance to a grocery store. I yanked the map I printed off of Google and looked it over. There was one area on the outskirts of town that I felt had promise. At the very least, there were places to get something to remedy to rumble in my stomach.

It was a further walk than I anticipated and my sandals weren't the best choice for footwear. May was a beautiful month, but it was still wet. Thankfully, I had brought a sweater to wear over my clothes so I wasn't worried about the breeze. I could understand the draw of the Isle, especially when in beautiful places like this.

I sensed someone following me before too long. I was tempted to carry on like they weren't there, but I had a feeling that would not be a good idea. There was a pub up ahead and I made that my destination. I got as far as the large tree across the road when a large arm snaked out and grabbed me, slamming me backwards into the bark. I bit back a yell, but I wasn't hurt.

"What do ye think ye're doing here, lassie?" The voice was old, very male, and a hint of danger was laced through the words.

I turned my head, not surprised to recognize the face. "It's you then."

It was the old man from the diner, the one who had given me goose bumps by just looking at me. Now that I wasn't afraid of him, I could see the family resemblance. There was no denying he was a MacManus.

His grip on my shoulder was rough, but I doubted he even knew it. "Ye need to git home, girl. This ain't no place fer ye."

I straightened up and shrugged his hand off of me. "This is the only place for me. You made them leave me behind."

"Tis no place fer a lass. Especially not one ta distract me boys," he growled.

All of the pain, the fear, and the anger I had been dealing with came rushing in on me. This man had been out of their lives since they were children, and he thought he had more claim to them than I did? "I know who you are, Il Duce," I said. "I know who you are and what you have done in your life. Police records are a wonderful thing to have access too. If you think for one minute that you are going to stop me, think again. I didn't come here for this. I came here for them."

He pulled a gun out from behind his back and pointed it at me. "I make it a point never ta kill lassies or little ones, but I will do whatever I need ta to keep me family safe."

"Those boys of yours are my family," I replied, my anger resounding. I took a step forward so that his gun was pressed against my chest. "And they mean more to me than my own life, so either kill me… or get the fuck out of my way."

I stared him down, almost sure I was about to have a bullet go straight through me. Much to my astonishment, he backed off and put the gun away. "Ye have heart, lassie. Tis not an easy life we livin'."

I shrugged. "I can deal."

He stared at me hard. He finally nodded and disappeared into the fading light. I slipped up to the entrance of the pub and froze in the doorway. I had a clear view to the bar, where a familiar head of messy blonde hair was drinking a pint. A very cute waitress with a shirt that was two sizes to small was stroking his arm. The flirtation appeared to be completely one sided as Connor pulled away from her with a small smile and a shake of his head. The tramp obviously wasn't giving up so easily and changed her game. She leaned across the counter, giving everyone a show of her cleavage as she whispered to him seductively.

Enough was enough.

"Can't take a hint, honey?" I sneered, draping my arm around Connor's shoulders. He coughed and spat out a mouthful of beer. "If it isn't obvious, he's taken so get the fuck away from him."

Thankfully for her, she decided not to push me because I was so ready to beat her black and blue. I was not the normally jealous type, but it wasn't a good idea to try and take away what was mine.

Connor's mouth was hanging open, unsure if he was hallucinating. I laughed and picked up his glass, taking a long drag. Damn, it tasted good, but I knew he would taste better. I closed the distance between us and kissed my man, one hand going around his neck, the other around his waist. He was too stunned to argue and the passion between us flared red hot. His arms went around me, leaving no question as to whether he was happy or not to see me. We explored every inch of each other's mouth, making me gasp when he bit down on my lip.

"My God, lass. Ye're really here!" he cried, jumping up and swinging me around. I laughed and held onto him for dear life. I was dizzy when my feet suddenly hit the floor. "But ye cain't stay."

"Why? Because your dad says so?" His eyes widened. "Thought so. He and I came to an… understanding. I'm not giving you up. I'm not giving Murphy up. I would rather die than be without you."

He choked back a sob and buried his face in my hair. "I love ye, Siobhan. I thought ye would hate us fer leaving. We just wanted ta keep ye safe."

I clung to him. "I'm always going to be safest with you. Now… can we please go home?"

He nodded and threw some money down on the counter for his drink. I gave the waitress the evil eye on the way out, making her and a few others cross themselves. We walked slowly, stopping every now and then to kiss and reassure ourselves that we were finally back together. The house we ended up at was at best, forgettable. The yard needed to be mowed and the one shingle was hanging at an angle, but with a little love and a woman's touch, this place could really be something.

We went around to the back door and he put a finger to his lips. I nodded and followed him in. "Fuck, Murph! Didn't ye git anythin' started for dinner yet?"

I heard banging around in the next room, and the voice made my chest tight. "Do it yerself, ye fuck!" He burst through the door and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me.

I threw myself at him, knowing he would catch me. If I couldn't breathe with how tight he squeezed, I didn't mind. Connor came up behind me, wrapping his arms around both of us.

"Knew ye'd come. Told 'im ye would. He didn't believe me, but ye came," Murphy said, alternating between kissing me and telling his brother 'I told you so'.

I had never felt anything more right in my entire life. This was where I was meant to be. "I don't know about you two, but I'm starving."

I untangled myself from them and opened the refrigerator. After a quick glance, I smacked myself in the forehead. "Really? Beer and beans in a can?" I grabbed my purse from where it had been flung on the table and pulled out my wallet. "Murphy, I have two bags in a locker at the train station. Here's the key." To Connor, I handed him a wad of money. "I have no idea how much this is, but you need to find a grocery store. Get me the basics: bread, milk, eggs, pasta, tomatoes, spices. You know the drill. Think of us shopping before."

A throat was cleared and I turned around. Their father was towering over us, but he wasn't the head of this household anymore. "And you, Da. Get a pot of coffee going. This place is a pigsty and I'm going to need the caffeine."

I had two swift kisses to the cheek, one from each of my boys and they were gone. This time, though, I knew they would be back.

**Author's Note: While this could be a decent ending to this story, I am contemplating continuing on. There's a life to build in Ireland, but I would like to get the opinions of my readers, followers, and reviewers: would you be interested in more of Siobhan? Let me know in a review or a private message. Thanks and much love!**

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	14. Chapter 14

**Oh my goodness! What an amazing response to such a simple question! Thank you, everybody, so much for all of the love. We are going to keep going on with the story by popular demand. I have an idea for where we are going to end up… we shall see where this crazy train takes us! Much love! (BDS does not belong to me.)**

Chapter 14

I don't know what I expected to find with three men living together, but the house was gross. I mean, really gross. The bathroom was putrid and I refused to even touch that. One of the boys could deal with it when they got home. Upstairs were two bedrooms, buried under dirty clothes and more trash. I assumed Connor and Murphy shared one while their father stayed in the other until I made my way back downstairs. The house was larger than it looked with an addition on the side. In there, I found the lair of the infamous Il Duce. I wasn't responsible for him, so I closed the door behind me.

I dug under the kitchen sink and found some bleach and a sponge. The boys father was sitting at the table, watching me. "Ye got me boys worked up."

"So what if I did?"

He held his hand up. "Not arguing with ye, lass. Just an observation. Didn't realize how much they loved ye til I saw it meself."

"I'm a lucky girl."

"That ye are, but them be lucky boys, too." He stood up and gave me an awkward hug. "Welcome to da family, lass."

"Don't you go anywhere," I demanded when he tried to sneak off, still blushing from his compliment. "It took three of you to get it this dirty, and I am not cleaning it up by myself."

I was annoyed at the mess but I managed to find a smile for him. It was nice to feel wanted. Without argument, he grabbed a trash bag. I had him start in the living areas. I didn't want anyone touching the kitchen except for me. Murphy made it home first and got the task of the bathroom. Connor had instructions to get the bedrooms tidied up and the laundry sorted.

We loaded the laundry into baskets and took them downstairs. Surprisingly the basement was clean. It was like they had never even come down the steps. The washer was old and the dryer was older, but they both worked just fine. Connor had, knowing what I was up against, bought the large size of laundry soap. It was the powder kind, but it was all the store had, he said. I would make it work.

Once they were set to their tasks, I got to work myself. There was no way I could cook in the grease and grime. I started on the easiest part and got the windows sparkling. The sink was next and I was physically sick because of it. I barely made it outside and over the railing. Considering how few real dishware pieces I found, it was easier to just throw everything away as I came across it. I would go out tomorrow and buy new dishes if I had to. It wasn't worth the effort to scrub anything clean.

Eventually, after quite some time and a lot of elbow grease, the kitchen counter, windows, and table were clean. I figured the floor could wait until tomorrow. I could hear Connor and Murphy heckling each other upstairs, cursing like a bunch of sailors. Their father was silent, but he worked hard. The living room was almost presentable. It would need some more work, but again, I could do it later.

I rifled through the bags Connor had brought home and decided to make something easy for dinner. I grabbed package of beef cubes and some vegetables and started chopping. It was therapeutic to do something so ordinary. Pretty quickly I had a nice, thick stew bubbling away on the stove and two nosy brothers setting the table.

"We're eating out of mugs tonight," I said, ladling dinner into earthenware vessels. "Tomorrow, I'm going shopping. Who's going with me?"

Murphy was the first to volunteer, nearly spilling the iced tea he was pouring. "I'll go. Give me a chance ta git out of the house. Been stuck in it fer days."

"Oh shut it," Connor said, smacking his brother's head. "Ye just want her all ta yerself."

"So what if I do?"

"Enough!" Their father's presence commanded silence. "Connor, stop antagonizing yer brother. Ye had yer alone time with the lassie this afternoon. Give yer brother a chance ta catch up."

"Yes, Da," Connor replied, head down. I pinched his ass as I walked by, making him jump.

"Don't be mad. You boys still owe me one hell of an apology tonight," I murmured in his ear, kissing his cheek.

After we ate, the boys arm wrestled for who got to wash the dished. Murphy lost, but I expected as much. I caught the wink he gave me when Connor slammed his hand down into the table. They were always looking out for each other.

"I'm going to grab a shower and then head to bed. Which room am I in?" I asked.

"Ours!" Connor and Murphy said at the same time. They laughed, roughhousing a bit.

I shook my head, grinning. "Really? In front of your father?"

The older man chuckled. "Cain't say I'm surprised, but I'll need ta git used to it, me boys bein' men. Not that they act like it."

I gave him a quick hug. "Goodnight, Papa."

I could tell he was pleased. I couldn't call him 'Da'. It just didn't roll off my tongue, and 'Dad' wasn't right either. I may not have been thrilled with all of his decisions but he and I had one very important thing in common: we both loved Connor and Murphy, so that made him my family too.

The water ran hot for my entire shower. It was a luxury I prayed I wouldn't have to give up. Memories of the cold water in their Boston apartment were too vivid. Hell, any memory of them was vivid, burned into my mind like a brand. I refused to regret anything about the last year because it all led me to this point. It all led me home.

I towel dried my hair, thinking that I would need to get a hairdryer while we were out tomorrow. I should stop and make a list of what we needed to get, but I was suddenly so damn tired. With the weight and stress of getting here on my mind, I hadn't thought about how close I was to running on fumes. I opened the bedroom door on the right and found it empty of people, but full of promise.

The boys had outdone themselves. The room was not only looked good, but it smelled good too. They had really deep cleaned the space, and by the looks of it, put new sheets on the mattress. We actually had a bed. I was thrilled to not be sleeping on the floor. They had found lace curtains and hung them up, and one of them had unpacked my bags for me. Doc's bible and Gram's photo albums were stacked nicely on top of the dresser, next to a lamp that still needed dusting. Well, what could I say? They were human.

I had my own drawers in the dresser, so I dug out a clean pair of underwear and a tank top for sleepwear. I hopped into bed, sighing at the softness. It was so comfortable, I barely had enough energy to drag the comforter over top of me.

"So much fer apologizin'."

Even dozing, I could just imagine how Connor looked. He would be pouting, possibly chewing on the inside of his cheek. Murphy would be grinning like an idiot. I wiggled my arm out of the warmth and held it out. One hand grabbed mine and climbed in next to me, stubble rubbing my face where he kissed me. I sighed into Connor's lips when they finally found mine. I leaned away from him and waited for Murphy to find his place behind me.

When he didn't, I woke enough to give him the hairy eyeball. "Get your cute ass in bed before I have to get up and beat you."

He hesitated beside the bed. "I cin sleep on da couch."

I grabbed for what was closest and it just happened to be his pants that I caught. I yanked hard and he fell on top of us. I twisted my hand in his hair and pulled tight, getting all up in his face. "I did not fly halfway around the world to sleep alone. Did I give up everything I have ever known just to find out that you aren't sure about me? Isn't it enough that I love you? Isn't it enough that I want to be with you for the rest of my life? Why, after all of shit we have gone through, are you going to question this and question us?"

I was hurt. My expectations weren't so grand to think that this transition would be easy, but I thought Murphy of all people would know where my heart was. I waited for a response, but instead he up righted himself and stormed out of the room.

"Go ta 'im," Connor urged.

So much for sleep. If Murphy was in a mood, it was guaranteed to be one long ass night. I found him sitting on the floor, leaning against the stupid couch. He had a drink in his hand and it smelled strong. I had to be the brave one now. If I ran back upstairs because I didn't want to deal with this, I might as well fly my ass back to the States. It was obvious that he was hurting, but I didn't know why.

I took the glass out of his hand and set it on the coffee table. I straddled his legs and knelt in his lap, resting my forehead against his. I held his head, silently begging him to look at me. I almost wished I hadn't. His eyes were full of unshed tears. It broke my heart.

"Talk to me, Murphy. This isn't you. This isn't us."

His voice shook when he finally spoke. "We left ye. I fought them. I fought like hell. I went against me da and me brother, me own blood! I told them ye were worth the risk. Da thought it was better dis way, and Con kept sayin' it was ta keep ye safe. I didn't want ta leave ye, but they made me. All I could do was give the card ta the priest so ye knew I didn't leave willingly."

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body flush with his. "And seeing ye in Con's arms, like ye had forgiven him like it was nothin'…" He took a deep breath. "Well, I thought maybe it had just been him all along."

I captured his mouth with mine. I felt him run his fingers along the edge of my tank top, finally slipping underneath to stroke bare skin. The kiss deepened and he dug his strong fingers into my back. The sensation was amazing, causing me to grind down onto him, his jeans rough against my legs and other more sensitive areas. It felt incredible. We both broke away at the same moment, attempting to catch our breath. I was the first to collect my thoughts.

"Murph, I love you. I love your brother. What I have with each of you is different, but it's not more or less than the other. Together, the two of you complete me. Don't doubt that. Don't ever doubt us again. I'm here, with you. I'm home."

The smile he gave me was the best gift I had ever received. "I love ye, Siobhan."

We sat like that for a bit more before I convinced him to come upstairs. He stood, my legs wrapping around him and holding on tightly.

"Don't drop me," I begged.

He grasped me firmly by the ass, making me suck in a breath. "Never."

I squeezed my eyes shut as we ascended the stairs. Connor laughed when he saw us. I was deposited onto the bed, squealing at the change in height. Both of them had smiles on their faces, two gorgeous men gazing down on me. What woman could be luckier?


End file.
